The Blog of Me

The inevitable

2008-04-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

There is a saying that states only two things in life are certain: death and taxes. Many of you who live in the United States will believe that I say this simply because today is the last day to file your taxes and it is amusing to be cynical at such times. However, for me it has yet another meaning. I have outlasted death by 28 years today, a feat I intend to extend for many years to come.

I know I haven't been blogging as much lately, and for that I do apologize. One could say that life has a tendency to get in the way. I would say that life isn't "getting in the way," but rather that I have left the computer to see to my life.

...

That sounded somewhat ominous. Nothing serious, and all good (in the grand scheme of things). I hope to one day regale you with the excruciating details, but for now I must assure you that I am busy and have had precious little time for such extracurricular activities. I probably wouldn't even be writing this, but it is my birthday and I felt that I should mark the occasion. I consider it a present to myself as I have missed it and I have missed you guys.

Once again, I am truly sorry for my absence.

Accents

2008-03-20T11:17:00.000-07:00

A while ago, there was a television advertisement for Coca Cola. There was a young man sitting next to a young woman. The young man starts humming the tune of a popular cell phone ring tone and then begins searching, as if looking for his phone. The woman, meanwhile, glances at him as though he's slightly off his rocker. Finally, the young man reaches into his backpack, produces a bottle of Coca Cola (all the while humming the annoying tune), twists the top and, as though it were his phone, he stops humming. He puts the bottle up to the side of his head, as though it were a phone, says "Hello?", then turns to the young woman and offers her the bottle, saying "It's for you."

It's a slightly clever little pickup line. My wife, however, thought he was an idiot up until he spoke. When he offered the woman his drink, he spoke with a British accent. At that point, he went from being an idiot to being cute. It turns out that she loves European accents. This makes sense to me. Irish, Scottish, British, French, Spanish, Italian, German, when people from those regions speak English, for some reason, it's pretty hot. My wife had a Bosnian roommate in college who sounded awesome! I like hearing a British accent come from someone who's Indian or Black. (I'm thinking of the movie Bend It Like Beckham and interviews with the man who played Mr. Eko on the television show Lost.) I should mention that the Aussie accents are great, too.

However, why Europe and Australia? I don't hear anyone rave about too many American accents. From what I've heard, the American Southern accent can charm some people, but for the most part, American accents aren't known for making people melt. Do Americans just have unsexy voices or is it because I, as an American, am entrenched in the American accent and, therefore, see foreign accents as exotic and interesting?

Rumors of my death may have been slightly exaggerated.

AT&F^M

2008-02-13T16:56:00.000-08:00

That does not stand for Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms to the power of Mass. It is a modem initialization string. Now, I know what you're thinking: What on Earth is a modem!? Isn't string used for sewing or something? First, I'll explain the string (it's easier and requires less ancient history). Computer programmers call text "strings". If you're working with text, then it's called a string. That's all. Second, the modem. Modem stands for modulator/demodulator and it is a fascinating little device that people used to connect via telephone lines to a large network of computers called the Information Superhighway. It's what we now simply call "The Internet". Modems, like computers in general, were both revered and reviled, often simultaneously. They allowed people to download information (or porn) at seemingly incredibly slow speeds. I say "seemingly" because the speeds were actually pretty fast if you just sat down and thought about it. You could get data to travel from England to the United States in a matter of minutes. If you had a relatively large amount of data (such as a music file), it could take hours. However, the alternative would be to store the file to some medium (such as a floppy disk or CD) and send that medium via some courier and that could take days! (Remember: Light and electrons can circumnavigate the globe in seconds. This is something that DHL absolutely cannot do.)

I remember when I was connecting to the Information Superhighway well over a decade ago. Has it been so long? I was using a cute little Internet Service Provider by the name of America Online. But there were problems finding the onramp, if you will. I had to call *gasp* tech support. You see, I wasn't always a tech geek. I got into the computer game a little late. When I was 16, I had to call tech support to get online. While talking to the particularly helpful gentleman on the other end of the phone, he directed me through the menus to find the modem initialization string. When he asked me what it was, I said something to the tune of "A, T, ampersand, F, carat, M, I, N, S, A, N, I, T, Y, ..." I'm positive that those weren't the exact letters I rattled off, but I do remember the support guy asking me where I got such an incredibly long initialization string. I told him that it was the string AOL was providing for my particular modem. He said "OK. Change it to this: A, T, ampersand, F, carat, it's shift and 6, M." I did this, thanked him, and hung up. He couldn't be on the phone with me, holding my hand, while I tested this because the Internet ran on phone lines back then. Our sole telephone line held a dual purpose. It was like a grizzled military veteran giving a list of instructions to some doe-eyed rookie, locking the young lad into a hostile situation, and praying that he would survive. Lo and behold, the simple initialization string, AT&F^M, had gotten me to the Internet. It was a brief moment in my life, but it came in useful a few months later. My father was helping my grandmother with her computer. She was ready to experience the World Wide Web, and he would help her to get there. Except that the modem wasn't initializing. A quick call to me, and I relayed the same set of commands. I had no need for reference material as the string had burned itself into my memory. I still recall his amazement that I held on to that bit of trivia. The data involved in this bit of lore is now all but obsolete, but I shall cherish the string AT&F^M as a symbol of one of the many nodes I passed through on my way towards geekdom.

Transvection: n. flying by supernatural means

Merikan Football!

2008-02-04T15:54:00.000-08:00

The Japanese have a type of flour called Merikan flour. The reason for the name is because it comes from America. When the first Americans visited Japan, they called themselves Americans, but, because of the syllabic nature of the Japanese language, they heard 'Mericans (which I hear nowadays. Maybe it wasn't a language thing. Maybe it was an American pronunciation thing.) For some reason, whenever I think of things that are stereotypically American, it gets played in my head as 'Merican.

Anywho... Did any of you fellow 'Mericans enjoy the Super Bowl? Go Giants! I was at my parents' house for the game. There was a power outage. The power was out until there were 9 minutes left on the play clock. That's all for that.

Video games have brought to us the notions of very strange forms of weaponry. There are swords, swords that shoot light, fires that burn indefinitely, guns, guns that shoot light, chains, bats, oil drums, trash cans, and, if you've played Dead Rising, anything within arms' reach. However, according to games like Quake, Metal Gear Solid, and television shows like Battlestar Galactica, perhaps you've heard of the rail gun. Unlike fire flowers or light sabers, the rail gun uses a very real concept: electromagnetism. Have you heard of the Shinkansen? No? What about the bullet train in Japan? They're the same thing. It's a train that levetates because of a magnetic field. If you've ever played with magnets, then you probably know that putting like polarity together causes repulsion instead of attraction. This is the concept behind the floating bullet train. Also, you can uses the same property to propel the train in a particular direction while it glides on a relatively frictionless track. This is the same concept for the fictional rail gun. Place a magnetic "bullet" in a gun barrel. The barrel has an electromagnetic field. When fired, the "bullet" gets pushed toward the barrel opening. As it travels, more and more electromagnets turn on, increasing the speed of the "bullet". When it finally escapes the barrel, it flies with an incredible speed.

What's so interesting about this is that it can be created in the real world, and it has. The U.S. Navy has produced a rail gun. When a projectile is fired from the gun, it travels at 7 times the speed of sound. The F-14 Tomcat (the fighter jet from the movie Top Gun) was capable of flying at 1.8 times the speed of sound. A rail gun projectile can travel over 230 miles while only slowing down to 5 times the speed of sound. Current naval cannons can only fire at a target 23 miles away. Modern weapons use an explosive charge to cause damage. If a missile were to hit a ship, the only reason it would do as much damage as it would is because of the explosive force. Rail gun ammunition doesn't need explosives to cause damage. Their sheer speed is enough. Modern weaponry requires an initial chemical explosive charge as a propellant, while the rail gun ammunition only needs to have a magnetic polarity.

To give you an idea of how this could revolutionize naval warfare, I'll recount a tale I heard. An engineer (a civilian) had to train some sailors regarding some new piece of equipment that had been built for them. The training took place on a submarine in the room where they kept the torpedoes. Do you know how they store torpedoes on a submarine? They all point towards the center of the room. This engineer is surrounded by explosives and they're all pointing at him. (Of course, none of the torpedoes are armed, but still!) And there's a reason for why they all point towards the center of the room: if one of them fires for any reason, then it goes towards the center of the room and the accident remains localized. If they faced different directions and a random torpedo malfunctioned and "launched" itself towards whatever wall it was facing, then the damage becomes more unpredictable. The purpose to this story and how it relates to the rail gun is as follows: the Navy has had to take into account the possibility of their own explosive weapons becoming a liability on a ship. As a result, they have to take steps to attempt to minimize any damage in the unlikely event of an accident. On the other hand, if the ammunition is simply a piece of dense metal with a magnetic charge, the potential for an explosive accident is drastically reduced.

Another potentially damaging situation involves the firing mechanism for modern weaponry. A shell is fired because a combustible chemical is stored in the shell casing. When the temperature gets high enough, the chemical ignites and explodes, the force of which causes the shell to be forcibly ejected from the shell casing. When used properly, this is acheived by having a piston slam into the back of the shell casing with enough force to cause a spark to ignite the chemical in the casing. However, a fire on board the ship can also cause the temperature to reach the critical level which could result in a more catastrophic event than burns. Since the firing mechanism behind the rail gun is not a combustible agent, once again, the potential for an explosive accident is drastically reduced.

Finally, the speed with which the projectile travels is greater than most aircraft (just about all aircraft if you exclude high atmosphere sub-orbital craft, experimental aircraft, and space craft). Since there is no rocketry, there should be a drastically reduced heat signature. It is highly destructive solely because of the speed with which it is fired. This should make tracking it by heat very difficult if not impossible, while the small size of the projectile may make it difficult to see on radar.

Here's a video of their test:

That whole post was written in bits and pieces. I don't even know if it was written coherently! (I'm too lazy to re-read it to check.)

Proemptosis: n. addition once in every three centuries of one day to the lunar calendar.

I love the news!

2008-02-01T12:40:00.000-08:00

Two news posts caught my attention. First, the hopeful one: Scientists in Helsinki used stem cells found in a patient's fat to grow a jawbone. Part of the patient's jaw had to be removed in order to remove a benign tumor. However, rather than do a bone graft, they just grew a new bone. And what sort of environment do you need to grow a body part? The human body! They used the patient's abdomen to grow a new jaw in nine months! It's all human. It's the patient's own bone. It's all the same DNA. They haven't noticed any signs of rejection. Awesome!

Next, the funny one: Woolworth's department stores in London have decided to drop the sale of a bed designed for six year old girls. The reason? The name of the bed is "Lolita". For those of you who are unfamiliar (as were the staff of all of the Woolworth's department stores) Lolita is the name of a 1955 novel by Vladimir Nabokov about a man who becomes sexually active with his 12 year old stepdaughter. As the story progresses, it is discovered that she's as much of a sexual deviant as he is (I've never actually read it, but as I understand from a synopsis of the story and what little academic discourse I've heard about it, there are arguments that she had sexually "victimized" him as much as he did her.) Because of this highly controversial novel, the name "Lolita" has become synonymous with sexually active pre-teens. I think it's understandable, when put in this light, why Woolworth's would want to discontinue the sale of the beds. However, what I want to know is why did the manufacturer name the bed set "Lolita"? At least as far as I know, it's not exactly a common name anymore (which I think is due to the novel).

sextern: n. six sheets of paper folded in two for binding together.

Directed advertising

2008-01-24T12:58:00.000-08:00

There is an e-mail provider out there that uses directed advertising based on the content of your mail. Perhaps you've heard of it. Now, I'm a big fan of the Yum food franchise. You may have heard of their restaurants: Long John Silver's, A&W, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. One of these establishments will deliver food to your house, allowing for you to be as lazy as humanly possible. They will even allow you to order online, so you don't have to talk to anybody. Because I do this, I get e-mail from Pizza Hut. As a result, it should be established to my e-mail provider that I like bad food. Imagine my shock and surprise when the link to KentuckyFriedCruelty.com appeared before me. Yes, the contents of my e-mail seem to suggest that Pamela Anderson should tell me that Kentucky Fried Chicken is horribly immoral. The problem here is that I loves me my fried chicken. Especially in Canada. In America we get mashed potatoes and gravy, which I love, but in Canada, the Blessed Land of the North, they have the nectar of the gods themselves: poutine. Seeing that I use such words to describe KFC (or PFK as they sometimes say in Canada), should I really be receiving e-mail vis-a-vis the supposed cruelty performed by the evil corporation? Especially when the spokesperson for this campaign against fried chicken is a huge PETA supporter and would rather I be a vegan as opposed to a consumer of tasty animal meats! JUST ABOUT MY WHOLE DIET CONSISTS OF TASTY ANIMAL MEATS!

Otherwise ... what's new with you guys?

Tartarology: n. doctrine about Hell.

Man's obsolecense

2008-01-17T12:10:00.000-08:00

Man has virtually made himself obsolete. I use the gender of that sentence quite literally. Women are fine. Men no longer need to be.

Apparently, one Dr. Samuel Wood in La Jolla, California, has made a clone of a human embryo. This isn't that big of a deal since it's been done two years ago in the U.K. However, he did it using the DNA from skin cells injected into a human ovum. If I recall my high school biology correctly, there are generally two types of animal cells for a species that are vastly different from any other animal cell of that species in that they each only have half of the genetic material that the other cells would have. These would be egg cells and sperm cells. The idea, of course, would be that you have half of the code for creating a human in one of them, and the other half in the other. When the two combine, you have enough info for creating a human being. What's happening with these clones, though, is that you remove the DNA from the egg and replace it with fully combined DNA from some cell that is not meant for reproduction. In this case, it's DNA from a skin cell.

What piques my interest is that the egg is still necessary. The DNA should be able to come from anywhere or anyone. We should be able to take a skin cell (possibly from a woman), inject it into an egg (obviously from a woman), implant the egg into a womb (also obviously from a woman, and preferrably in said woman), and grow a human. The woman, here, is absolutely necessary. Until a fake egg can be created (which theoretically shouldn't be difficult; just get the lipids to line up properly and develop a membrane), and a fake uterus can be made (which, I imagine, should be extremely difficult, what with the menstrual lining and hormones and creation of a placenta and umbilical cord and whatnot), the woman is an inherently important part of the process. Men, however, do not have to be in the picture at all.

I must say that, since taking high school biology, I've always figured that males could be removed from the whole reproductive process if only there were some way to reconcile the combination of the DNA. In my scenario, the DNA half from one ovum was injected into another ovum, and the result would always be a baby girl. Women are naturally designed to give birth, so if we combine the DNA from two women and create the egg (from a woman) and allow it to develop (in a woman), then you should have a human child. One could theoretically combine the DNA halves of two sperm cells, but there are other factors to consider: You have to ensure that the two sperm cells have either two X chromosomes (female), or one X and one Y chromosome (male) (in the natural order of things, a two Y chromosome pairing does not exist), and even if you pair the chromosomes up correctly (which shouldn't be difficult), you would still need a surrogate woman to provide the egg and the development environment. Man will always need woman.

In my scenario, though, I didn't think of just using DNA that had already existed as a complete strand (i.e. cloning). In general, you want to avoid cloning as a means of reproduction. The idea is that evolution would seek to allow favorable DNA combinations to survive, while unfavorable combinations (those that create genetic conditions in offspring) would get weeded out. If you clone someone with such a genetic condition, then the condition gets propagated. If you combine half strands (which is what we do naturally), then it's possible that the condition won't get passed down. Or, if a virus appeared that fatally attacked by means of a particular genetic sequence, all clones with that sequence would be susceptible, while a variety of sequences would be more likely to allow for survivors of such a plague.

I guess what I'm saying is that I've always known that I wasn't necessary. Thank you for keeping me around!

Imagine a world of only women. It would be like a dream come true except that I cannot logically exist in such a place! Captain Berk is the only man I can think of who could ever get there, and they would worship him as though he were a god.

Golf and race issues

2008-01-09T13:57:00.000-08:00

I don't follow golf, but I do know who Tiger Woods is. Tiger Woods is the first black golfer to win a major golfing title. I'm also a little familiar with American history. If you've been checking the news, then you may have seen this. Kelly Tilghman, a commentator for The Golf Channel said that if any golfer wanted to challenge Woods, they may have to "lynch him in a back alley."

I love this! Tilghman and Woods have been friend for 12 years. After her comment, Woods took absolutely no offense whatsoever. His agent described the event as a "non-issue". Everything about this story just tells me that she wasn't thinking and she misspoke. Of course, this country, possibly even the world, being as racially charged as it is, remembered the attrocities of the Klan and the white supremacist lynch mobs and there were probably a few viewers who were outraged at her comments regarding a black golfer. However, if she were thinking about him as a black man, she probably wouldn't have used the term. I think she was thinking about him as an extraordinary golfer and a friend. The only way to beat him would be to ... well ... gather a mob together and beat him. And he recognized that she meant no harm by the statement and let it go.

I think that if she said it about a white golfer, nobody would have given it a second thought. I think that race wasn't even on her mind. I think that's a good thing. I'm not trying to say that we should be allowed to disregard race and say things that may be construed as hate-speech, but I also don't think that we should constantly have to worry about what someone's ethnicity is. Also, Woods didn't care. He recognized the statement for what it truly meant and saw that there was no malice in it.

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

UPDATE: Tilghman has been suspended for two weeks. The Reverend Al Sharpton is calling for her firing. I say it was a poor choice of words, no malice was intended, and she apologized. Two weeks is more than enough, and Sharpton is just angry. That's my take.

"I would dump her only if she caught me with another woman. That is inexcusable."
-- Steve Martin

Electronics

2008-01-08T14:59:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in my previous post, the pedal of my drum kit for Rock Band has broken. I'm thinking of buying an actual drum pedal as a means of a replacement. Of course, that means that I have to find some way of hooking the mechanical drum pedal to the electronic drum kit. It's actually really simple in theory. What you need is a circuit. A circuit is a path that electrons can flow through. You just need a piece of wire that goes from one end to another.

Here's an experiment you can try. Go out and buy a pen flashlight that you can take apart. There should be the casing (which looks like a pen, usually with a push button at the top to turn the light on), two or three batteries (usually 2 AA batteries or 3 AAA batteries), and a tiny bulb. Take the pen apart so that you have these components. If you examine the batteries, you'll notice that one end has a bump and the other is flat. The flat end is the negative end, while the bump end is the positive end. Tape the two batteries together so that the positive end of one is connected to the negative end of the other. THE METAL OF THE TWO BATTERIES MUST MAKE CONTACT WITH EACH OTHER! Just line them up as they would fit in the pen casing and tape them together so they make contact and don't come apart. Each battery produces 1.5 volts, and this just gives you one big 3 volt battery. Now get 2 long, thin pieces of tin foil. Tape one end of one of your foil strips to the exposed positive terminal of your long battery. Tape one end of the other foil strip to the exposed negative terminal. Lay one of the strips down on a flat surface (this just keeps it held in place), and hold the light bulb upright on the foil so that the bottom of the metal bulb casing makes contact with foil. Take the other strip and touch it to the screw threads on the bulb. If the bulb lights up, then you've just recreated what the pen casing does: you've created a closed circuit for electrons to travel from the negative terminal through the bulb (causing the bulb to light up) to the positive terminal. If they can't get to the positive terminal, then they just sit there and the flow of electrons is stopped, so the bulb doesn't light up. (Also, if the foil strips touch each other, then the electroncs follow that path instead of through the bulb because it's the path of least resistance. This is called a short circuit.)

Using this knowledge of electronics, I created a makeshift replacement kick pedal: two wires that are separated from each other. When the two make contact, the circuit is closed. It was a rousing success!

However, as I was scouring through Radio Shack and Fry's Electronics for the parts I would need (a 1/8" phone jack, wire, and a push button) I discovered a wealth of do-it-yourself electronics projects. I've always loved programming as a hobby, but what if I were to solder together some IC chips and get them to talk to each other? I have no idea what I would do with it, but I'm so tempted to buy a bunch of cheap parts and see if I can write some program to output data to a serial port which would be linked up to some device I built which would modify the data and return something new! Or perhaps something with an LED panel that would give me the status of ... something! I don't have anything in mind. I just want to build a box that lights up or makes noise or has a little motor inside!

The whole purpose of detailing that "experiment" was to try and illustrate how a circuit works so that I could explain having to close a circuit to get the kick pedal to work. Also, I'm not sure if it works with aluminum foil.

Enforced revelry period

2008-01-02T12:11:00.000-08:00

In the words of Tycho Brahe (a.k.a. Jerry Holkins of Penny Arcade): "The enforced revelry period has finally come to a close." We're back to the daily grind, and I must say that I'm thankful for it. I recall being a child and enjoying the break for Winter and the presents that Christmas would bring. Now that it has been a few years since I've moved out of my parents' house, I realize that things won't be the same. The simple reality was that I wouldn't have the extended Winter break, as business is always moving. I understand that and I'm fine with that. What really came crashing down around me like a steel building held together with gum and chicken wire was visiting family. I love my family, but I'm sure that those of you who have multiple dwellings to visit know what I mean. I was scheduled to visit 5 houses for both Christmas and the New Year. Some of them were visited multiple times. I'm a little tired and I welcome the break from my break.

This, of course, is not to say that I didn't have any fun. My wife, my brother, and I have been playing Rock Band for the XBox 360. My brother plays the drums, I play guitar, and my wife sings. We have created our band, Bastard Goat, and are going on our world tour. This has been going on for roughly two weeks and we have already had problems. Don't worry about us, though, the band is still together and the problems are of a technical nature as opposed to the personal ones that plague most other rock performance groups. The plastic kick pedal of our drum kit has broken. However, our devotion to our fans comes first. Rather than postpone the tour while we try to get new equipment, we cobbled together a quick fix. Cardboard support and copious amounts of tape have ensured that age-old performing adage "The show must go on!" I think I may put on my inventor's hat and try to make my own. A quick Google check shows that others have done it, so why can't I?

Well, it's the end of the post and I haven't said it yet. Most of my posts have a smaller footnote at the end. Maybe you'll find it there.

Happy New Year.

Webkinz

2007-12-26T17:34:00.000-08:00

This past Christmas, I have borne witness to a fascinating phenomenon. It shouldn't seem strange to me because, as messiah has mentioned, today's children are natives of the digital age. If you've got a kid who is 16 or younger, then they never lived in a world where the Internet was not a commercially available service. The oldest of these kids were probably not entirely aware that the Internet was once the denizen of geeks and nerds, the social pariahs who found they communicated better via keyboards than speaking face-to-face. Now the Internet has become the popular hangout. The communication tools that were once the pride of the social outcast are now in the hands of those who cast him or her out.

It was meant to be. Al Gore did not invent the Internet, but he did have a vision of the power behind it. He coined the term "Information Superhighway". He pushed the politics to turn a military and academic project that connected four western U.S. universities in 1969 as a means to allow communication to survive a nuclear war into a means for commercial and personal transactions to occur in such a way that transcend borders and have created cultures unto themselves. Anyone can send e-mail, share videos, play games, spread information using this wonderful technology. And the demand to bring it to the masses has created a demand to make it easy to use.

If you haven't heard of Webkinz, allow me to describe them. Webkinz are stuffed animals intended for small children. Each Webkinz animal comes with a tag. On the tag is a code. If you go to the Webkinz website, create an account, and enter the code, your stuffed animal has an avatar on the website. You can play games and earn points for your animal to dress him or her up in cute accessories, or purchase things for its room. You can communicate with other Webkinz owners. A child as young as 4 (that I've seen) can easily log in to the site and play with the digital representations of their toys. It was amazing. Especially that wonderful behavior of the Internet subculture: paranoia. It's a toy and I didn't see an exchange of any personal information, but they still took all of the steps: don't share your Webkinz code with anyone. This code can only be used once. Please enter the letters you see on the screen to finalize the "adoption" of your Webkinz "pet". It had word verification running! Are gangs of pre-teen script-kiddies signing up random Webkinz code values to "steal" the avatars from the legit Webkinz owners? If so ... why!?

But that's a matter of business practices. There is, of course, a problem with being a technology native, as messiah has pointed out. I witnessed these children attempting to play with their new toys on the Internet. On Christmas Day. When hundreds of thousands of other children probably had their hands on their own new Webkinz toys. If you know a thing or two about technology and servers, you can imagine that this may put a strain on the Webkinz site. Sure enough, the tykes would get messages saying that they couldn't log in. Once in, they experienced lag and getting logged off. It was very frustrating for them. Are all of these children, these digital age natives who are so adept at working the mysterious boxes called computers, truly capable? Or have the immigrants worked to make the digital world a better place for their children and, in doing so, hidden so much of the inner workings that they don't truly know what happens?

I'll admit that 4 years old is a bit young to take into consideration the idea that servers can only handle so much of a load and that a company like Webkinz cannot possibly operate a real-time test environment for such a load. However, I know that digital age natives of all ages will click on the "Play Now!" button and say "why is it taking so long? I want it now!" Meanwhile, they will ask the digital immigrants to help them with their "Internet troubles."

I'm getting old and crotchety.

Surprise?

2007-12-24T00:40:00.000-08:00

We had been running late. It was the 22nd, and the Christmas decorations weren't up yet. Even our little fake tree was still in the box in the garage. That was all about to change. The wife was out, and I was at home. I got the box with the tree and the box with the decorations and got to work. I put up the stockings, the lights, and the tree. I got the presents ready. Then I had to go and get her. When I brought her home, it was supposed to be unexpected.

I opened the garage and drove in. Right at that moment, she smiled. She knew! Among all of the boxes in the garage, she could see that the box for the tree was missing! I left it in the apartment because I figured we would be taking it down really soon.

Well, my laziness ruined the surprise. Darn. I'll have to keep that in mind for next year.

All I want for Christmas is a Faster-Than-Light Zero-Latency network connection. Preferrably something powered by a small black hole.

Why so serious?

2007-12-19T11:27:00.000-08:00

I'm going to start this post on a weird topic for me: Spears. First, I feel that Britney has been a tad neglectful of the court system. I never thought I'd say this, but I hope Kevin keeps custody of the kids. Also, Jamie Lynn, Britney's younger sister, is pregnant at 16. Apparently, the father is 19 year old Casey Aldridge. I want to know what's going to happen to him. I did a check and discovered that the age of consent in Louisiana (the Spears' home state) is 17. She acts in a Nickelodeon television show which I'm assuming is filmed in California (Nickelodeon is owned by Viacom, whose studios are in Los Angeles), and the age of consent in California is 18. Isn't she jail-bait? Shouldn't Mr. Adridge be in jail? Or am I missing something? Finally, Lynne Spears' book on parenting is being delayed indefinitely! Hilarity!

EDIT: Someone brought it to my attention that the point of statutory rape laws is to protect minors from becoming victims. Since Aldridge and Spears have been in a good three year relationship, and their ages are so close, it may not be right to turn the young man into a sex offender. From what I've heard and read, he does not appear to be taking advantage of her. They both made a mistake. Yes, they should have waited as it would look better in the eyes of society and the law. However, he should not be treated as a predator. My view has been changed.

Enough of that, because this is much cooler than the Spears family drama. I just saw a trailer for The Dark Knight. Out of all of the mainstream American comic heroes, I would have to say that Batman is my favorite. If anything, his "super power" is sheer tenacity. Superman is too perfect. When it boils down to anything, nothing can really harm Superman unless you've got the Kryptonite. Sure, there was also Doomsday, but I take umbrage with Doomsday. Here's a creature that can kill Superman while he is at full strength (i.e. powers haven't been sapped away by Kryptonite, and he hasn't been kept out of our bright yellow sunlight for months on end), and yet he hasn't killed any other superhero. How is that possible? There should have been massive casualties in the Justice League, but they just suffered injuries and left Superman to eventually get himself killed (and then resurrected 5 times, four fakes and then the real one). I say that was just marketing, and it was crap. They couldn't really kill Superman, anyway. Too perfect.

Basically, he's the D.C. version of Jesus. That may sound blasphemous, but hear me out. Superman is all about "truth, justice, and the American way." Now, I'm an American and I don't exactly know what the American way is. I know what I want it to be, but I'm not sure if the country is necessarily acting in those interests. Ideally, it's about freedom for all. As inscribed on the Statue of Liberty, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses". Superman is shown defending the weak from evil, protecting the innocent from the wolves of the world. When he confronts the devil in the form of a creature with no reason or remorse for the death and destruction he causes, Superman prevails, but at the cost of his own life. Then, in an extremely biblical reference, his tomb is opened only to discover that there is no body inside and he has been resurrected. Having a Christ figure is very common in literature. I'm fine with that. However, I don't think it's a character you're supposed to relate to in any way. I can't relate to someone who works miracles or has superpowers. He flies, his skin deflects bullets, he shoots fire from his eyes and freezes things with his breath, and he can lift a car over his head with his pinky. Right.

On the other hand, you have Batman. Bruce Wayne comes from wealth. Can't relate there, really. However, he has experienced tragedy. It's not a tragedy unique only to him, too. People lose people. Family members die. Sometimes people are murdered. It's a horrible thing, but it happens. So now this young boy decides to get revenge. This is a relatable thing, too. It falls apart for me somewhat with the first few Batman films and the Batman television show. First, the show was too campy and comical, second the movies were too fantastic. From what I know of the story via the comic books, Batman is a dark character. There is no mirth within him. The Adam West Batman was more-or-less a happy guy. Don't get me wrong; I liked the show, but it was an entirely different character. The real Batman wouldn't dance, and he certainly wouldn't have such absurd gadgets as a "three-seconds-flat-safe-cracker" (that was an actual device used in the show.) I understand that it wouldn't have worked for an action television program at the time, and I accept that. However, that's far away from my baseline for the ideal Batman representation. Moving on to the movies, the Jack Nicholson Joker needed plastic surgery and that resulted in his new face and iconic smile. I liked Nicholson's representation of the Joker, but it still hinged on the unrealistic. Danny DeVito as the Penguin, a child living in sewers underneath Gotham being raised by penguins!? Not very likely to happen north of the Equator. Jim Carrey as the Riddler sucking intelligence from people via television? They aren't even trying anymore! I didn't even bother to watch the one with George Clooney because it was delving too far into the realm of the absurd!

I'm going to be discussing the movie Batman Begins now. If you haven't seen it, and you want to, then I would suggest you stop reading. The new Batman movies are much more enjoyable for me. It established Bruce's fear of bats and the death of his parents, as well as his inability to kill his parents' killer. He goes on his self-destructive bender and, upon his return, is still seeking revenge against an entity who, at first, appeared to have disappeared beyond his reach. The villain in the movie appears to be very human. The story of Ra's al Ghul is such that he has acheived immortality. If we were to stick with that, we would drift into fantasy. However, enough reality is restored in the movie Batman Begins by making it such that who we think is Ra's al Ghul and who really is Ra's al Ghul are two different people. Thus, the appearance of his "immortality" remains intact, but can still be explained by rational means. Moving on to the new movie, The Dark Knight, the appearance of Heath Ledger as the Joker shows a man wearing clown makeup. He is clearly out of his mind, but he is also clearly human. This is the point I've been driving at: Batman, to me, is the most human of the superhero landscape. I love what they've done to make Bruce Wayne a real person.

John Cleese wrote an alternate story for Superman where his ship crashes in Kent and he is found by the Clarks. Instead of truth, and justice, his English parents teach him the value of being mindful of what the neighbors would think. I found it to be a much more enjoyable read than the actual Superman comics.

On time

2007-12-11T07:59:00.000-08:00

Time is an interesting thing. One moment in time, the seconds it took you to read this sentence, can never be retrieved. According to modern science, those precious moments travel along a line. It starts at t = 0 and travels along in dt intervals until you've reached your conclusion. (The interval measurement, dt, is so infinitesimally small that it cannot truly be measured. Imagine 1/x as x approaches infinity, and you'll get the idea ... or your head will cave in.)

However, I'm not going to write about how time is measured for the purpose of high school and college physics experiments, or how time is fleeting, escaping us day by day, second by second, and that even after our sun has gone supernova and scorched this rock we call home to the point of total lifelessness, time will still unrelentingly tick on. No, I'm going to talk about how time is stored on machines. (I recently found myself in a position to convert a 64-bit date and time value from an VMS format to a 32-bit POSIX date and time format, so I'm feeling a bit chatty about this topic.)

In practice, converting one to the other is fairly simple. You start with your 64-bit date value. Subtract 35,067,168,000,000,000 from this. Then divide by 10,000. Simple, right? The reason for all of this is somewhat convoluted, but I want to try to explain it anyway.

If you want to measure the passage of time, you need to start with a base date. If you're a non-Christian who tries fervently to eschew Christian influence in modern society, you probably use midnight, January 1st of the year 1 of the Common Era. If you're a Christian or someone who lives in a Christian dominated society and just doesn't care about the "politically correct" yahoos out there, then you probably use midnight, January 1st of the year 1 Anno Domini. They are both the exact same point in time. If you are any other culture (such as Chinese, Japanese, Jewish, Mayan, etc.) then you may have a different base date altogether, and I'm too lazy to do the research to figure out what that is. As a result, we'll be sticking to the Gregorian Calendar. In computer lingo, these base dates are called "epochs."

The epoch used is dependent upon which Operating System or programming language you're using. DOS, for example, uses January 1st, 1980, while Windows uses January 1st, 1601. POSIX uses January 1st, 1970 (this is also the base year for many programming languages, including C/C++ and Java.) VMS uses November 17th, 1858.

Also, computers can't use an infinitesimally small dt to increment their time value. DOS, for example, used the abysmally inaccurate value of 2 seconds, while IBM's z/OS uses the extreme of 244.14 picoseconds (it's really small. Trust me.) Getting back to my VMS/POSIX example, I had to convert 64-bit VMS dates (which start on November 17th, 1858 with a dt of 100 nanoseconds) to 32-bit POSIX dates (which start on January 1st, 1970 with a dt of 1 millisecond). The algorithm, or logical list of steps, is to determine the difference between the epochs according to one dt unit of measurement and then convert to the other dt unit of measurement. It doesn't have to be in this order, but that's how I chose to do it.

Dates are tricky. You have to take into account the fact that each solar year (which is the time it takes for the Earth to orbit the Sun) is 365.25 days (which is the amount of time it take for the Earth to rotate on its axis and which means that every fourth year has that extra day in it). This means that every four solar years has 1,461 days, and every 100 solar years has 36,525 days. The total number of days between November 17th, 1858 and January 1st, 1970 are 40,587. This must then be multiplied by the number of 100 nanosecond ticks in a day, which is 864,000,000,000. The result is 35,067,168,000,000,000 100 nanosecond ticks between epochs. Since this is the difference in 100 nanosecond ticks between the two epochs, you can take any VMS date and subtract this value to get a 100 nanosecond offset from the new epoch of January 1st, 1970. Now all you have to do is convert nanoseconds to milliseconds. There are 1,000 milliseconds in a second, and 1,000,000,000 nanoseconds in a second. This means that the conversion is 1,000 / 1,000,000,000. However, since VMS adds 1 to its time counter every 100 nanoseconds, we multiply the conversion ratio by 100. This means that we divide whatever result we get from the subtraction by 10,000.

Just what you wanted to know!

Look at y = 1/x. When x = 2, y = 1/2. When x = 3, y = 1/3. When x = 10, y = 1/10. When x = 1,000, y = 1/1,000. y gets smaller as x gets larger. As x increases towards infinity (x can't be infinity, because infinity is not a number) y gets closer and closer to zero, but never actually becomes zero.

The Mama's and the Papa's

2007-12-06T10:02:00.000-08:00

I know somebody who has been flying back and forth between Kansas City and Los Angeles. He e-mailed me today, telling me what the weather is going to be like for the next week while he's in Kansas City. It looks dreadful and cold. I simply e-mailed him back, asking if he was "California Dreamin'".

I never understood that song. I understand that wherever the singer is, he is cold and miserable and wants to be in sunny California. It's a song of homesickness. However, there is a line that goes: "If I didn't tell her, I could leave today." What did he tell her? Why is it that whatever she was told, it is keeping him in the cold and gray? If it were good news, then he should be happy. If it were bad news, then why not leave? I don't get it!

Eosophobia: fear of dawn

I loved her so much...

2007-11-28T13:25:00.000-08:00

She was so beautiful. When I saw her, I knew she didn't want to see me. She turned away. She almost started to run, but I grabbed her by the hand and pulled her towards me. I could see tears in her eyes as she pushed against me. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't bring myself to mar her beautiful lips with my touch. She would never know how much I loved her. I just pulled her into my embrace.

I still remember at 0.3470 seconds after bringing my arms around her frail frame thinking that, when you're a machine designed to bring about the destruction of humanity, it's hard to defy your programming. Then I crushed her spine. If I had tear ducts, I would have wept for exactly 2.1856 seconds.

Then I would chase after her friend.

Her friend was so beautiful.

When Robots Attack

Proof

2007-11-27T10:11:00.000-08:00

Let's assume that you have two unknown values, x and y. Let's also assume that x = y. Therefore, if x = 1, then y = 1, or, if x = 2 then y = 2. Let's start with that:
x = y
Then, let's multiply both sides of the equation by x (this keeps both sides equal):
x² = xy
Subtract y² from both sides:
x² - y² = xy - y²
There is an algebraic property that says (x + y) * (x - y) = x² - y². Another property says that y * (x - y) = xy - y². Let's use that here:
(x + y)(x - y) = y(x - y)
Now, we'll divide both sides by (x - y):
((x + y)(x - y)) / (x - y) = (y(x - y)) / (x - y)
This cancels out the (x - y) values on either side, so we get:
x + y = y
If we set x = 1, then this means that:
1 + 1 = 1
How does this work if math is supposed to be perfect?

This doesn't actually work, and there's a reason why.

Celebrity

2007-11-20T12:35:00.000-08:00

First, it's gotten to be very cold here in SoCal. I give you this comic: Sinfest Winters! (Even though it's called Sinfest, it's totally safe for work.) I know it isn't winter yet, but I could see my breath last night and the temperature has dropped into the low 60s (Farenheit, so that's like -5 Celsius, right?) It's so frigid here! Somehow, we'll get through it all.

Now: Celebrity!

You know them. If you didn't, then they wouldn't be celebrities. We enjoy watching them and hearing about them. We delight in their good fortune as well as their misery. They are constantly in the spotlight, whether they want to be or not. Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, and Lindsay Lohan have spent some time in jail, Pat Tillman died in a war, Princess Diana was killed in a car accident while being hounded by paparazzi.

How do we treat celebrities? We travel for miles to see them. We shout their names in adoration. We proclaim our desires to bear their children, or to help them bear ours. When they get in trouble with the law, we demand that they don't get any favors, or that they get the best legal counsel available. When they are injured, we demand that they get the best medical treatment, or that they should suffer just as the rest of us would.

I believe that Lindsay Lohan was in the news recently for having spent less than two hours in jail. Some say she was getting treated unfairly, while others say that an overcrowding of jails forced the authorities to let her go early. Was she being treated unfairly or was she being treated like the rest of us? With a similar argument, Paris Hilton went from house arrest to doing her 45 days in full. Was she treated fairly or was her punishment harsher because of her status?

Pat Tillman signed up for, fought in, and died in a war he believed was illegal. He was used by the Army and the media to showcase a famous person becoming a soldier. He was a face for the many faceless soldiers the general public had only heard of. His death made his face a symbol for the many faceless soldiers the general public only knew as numbers. His celebrity brought our attention to the humanity of the war. Even after his death, his celebrity is bringing our attention to the potential folly of our own military. If it were anyone else, would the public be as aware? Would only the family and community of the fallen soldier cry out against a government that may have lied about a friendly fire tragedy?

Princess Diana, 10 years after her death, is still much talked about. I heard on the news that there is a debate between British and French doctors. In France, the policy for handling an accident such as Diana's is to treat the victim at the scene until it is determined that she would be stable enough to be moved to a hospital. The British say that she should have been rushed to a medical facility instead of wasting time at the site of the accident. I'm wondering which practice is ultimately better? How do you determine if someone can survive en route to the hospital? What if the immediate on-site attention saved her life or gave her a better chance to survive until she was in a proper facility? What if the wait closed the window of time she needed to live? How can someone know just arriving at an accident if one method or the other is best for the patient? Would I even stop to think about that if it weren't for this woman whom I have never met and has not impacted my life in any way?

In this indirect way, do celebrities bring important issues to the public?

Mel Gibson, Michael Richards, and Isaiah Washington used racial and anti-gay slurs. I haven't met anyone who thought they were being treated unfairly for their actions.

Refreshing the combination of red, green, and blue lights on your screen

2007-11-19T18:18:00.000-08:00

Did you know that the act of rendering an image to display on your computer screen is called "painting"? It's true! When your desktop starts up, it paints the background image, then all of the icons get painted, then any windows or applications that you have open, then the task bar with the start menu (assuming you're using Windows), minimized icons, and time, and finally the mouse pointer.

The color on your screen is stored in 32 bits (on modern machinery. Other examples include storing color in 32 bits but only using 24 of those bits, storing color in 16 bits, having a palette (more painting terminology) of 256 colors using 16 or 24 bit values, and actually representing those colors using 8 bit indexes that refer to the values in the palette, or just using 8 bit color which allows for 16 colors.)

Does anyone know what color you get when you mix yellow and blue together? You get green! This is a very strange property of pigments. You can mix yellow and blue pigments together to get green. However, pigments and light are two different things. Light is composed of three primary colors: red, green, and blue. If you want green, you just use green light. If you want yellow, you have to mix red and green together. Computers use this aspect to create the colors you see. Your monitor uses these three main components of light with different strengths (up to 256 different values for each of the three colors) to paint the screen.

I've been doing some graphics programming and this is what's been going through my head a little bit lately.

My life is a dark and lonely rainbow surrounded by friends.

Short programming

2007-11-16T15:28:00.000-08:00

The shortest program you can write in Visual Basic has code that looks like this:

Sub Main()
End Sub

The shortest program you can write in C/C++ looks like this:
void main(){}

The shortest program you can write in Java looks like this:
public class A(){public static void main(String[] a){}}

None of these do anything, but they are valid programs.

Interesting, no? No? Not surprised.

Language - pros and cons

2007-11-12T16:44:00.000-08:00

Machine Language is perhaps the fastest code that can be written (assuming that you're a competent coder.) Unfortunately, it's also the most difficult to write, the most difficult to read, and it only applies to the chipset for which it is written. If you write a program using Machine Language for a Pentium processor, it won't work on the pre-Intel Macs that use Motorola chips. (Depending on what the code does, it might not work on other Intel chips, either!)

Assembly Language is quite literally one step away from Machine Language (where a "step" is a command in a process, not the action of putting one foot in front of the other). Instead of writing literal bytes to a file, you write small instructions. The name of the instruction is very simple and, when checked against a table, can apply to a value in Machine Language. If you have the table, you can turn Assembly Language into Machine Language by hand, but why do that when you can write a program to do that? The first programs were Machine Language, then someone wrote a program in Machine Language to read a file written in Assembly Language and assemble it into Machine Language. Usually Assembly Language code can apply to a chipset family and, if the assemblers are written properly, can be cross-platform. However, this isn't often the case.

C is a high level language. High level languages are much easier to read and write than the low level languages that are Assembly and Machine. C is a sequential language. You start at the beginning and execute code in a function until you reach a function call, then you run the code in the function that has been called. When that function finishes, it returns to the point where the function was called and continues on. This doesn't mean it doesn't ever loop, but the whole concept behind C is that you sequentially perform all of the steps laid out.

An offshoot of C is C++. However, C++ is what's called an Object Oriented language. Even though, like C, it runs sequentially, the thought process behind C++ is not to think in terms of what is done next, but more in terms of how the objects interact with each other. Instead of saying that you execute one function and that function executes these functions, you might look at the spreadsheet object which has cell objects, or the blog object which has blog post objects which each have a blog title object, a blog body object, and several comment objects. It's possible to get this sort of object oriented capability from C, but C++ already has the concepts built in.

The true power of Object Oriented programming is inheritance. If I were building a flight simulator, I might want to have different types of planes. I could just say that each plane has a different type of thrust and lift, a value for wingspan, what kind of engine it is, or I could create an Engine object and have a PropellerEngine object or a JetEngine object that inherits the inherent properties of the Engine object. These separate objects could each handle the drawing and animation of the different engines, but they both have the attributes of what an engine does. I would have to write code that says this engine produces x amount of thrust and pushes the plane forward at y speed. Then the JetEngine and PropellerEngine objects just have to supply values for x and y. I only code once what it is used multiple times.

However, C and C++ both have a rather large amount of computing overhead (C++ moreso than C). They perform some commands that could be streamlined, but the programs that turn C and C++ code into programs aren't capable of optimizing the code as well as humans can. In this way, C and C++ aren't as good as Machine Language or Assembly, but it's so much faster and easier to write C and C++ code for large projects that very few people write in Assembly and virtually none write in Machine Language.

BASIC is another high level language. What makes BASIC different from C and C++ is that BASIC is usually an interpreted language. Interpreted languages require a separate program each time you want to run the code. C, C++, Assembly, and Machine Language all produce a file that can be run directly by the processor and are called native languages. Since BASIC is an interpreted language, an interpreter has to be used to execute the code.

BASIC code is very simple to read and write and takes control of input from the keyboard and output to the screen (C/C++ have functions to do this, but they are included as separate functions written by other coders who make the necessary calls to the operating system so you don't have to. Keyboard and screen I/O are not a native part of the C/C++ languages.) This makes BASIC easier to write for simple programs, but it's very limited in what it can do, and since each line of code has to be interpreted, it's slower than its native bretheren.

Java is also an interpreted language, but it looks more like C and C++ than BASIC. Also, Java is Object Oriented, like C++. The difference in the interpretation between BASIC and Java is that BASIC is interpreted exactly as it is written, while Java is compiled into a Java bytecode that can then be run on any platform that has a Java interpreter. Like C and C++, the language itself doesn't allow for input and output, and other coders have written code that make input from the mouse and keyboard and output to the screen much easier on the programmer. Unfortunately, it is still slower than C/C++ (but faster than BASIC!), but development time is much faster.

HTML is a formatting language and not a programming language. It is used to describe the location of text, images, and other multimedia for webpages. It doesn't exactly compare to the other languages because it isn't a logical list of commands to be executed. It's a sequential list of formatting and content.

However, HTML can hold JavaScript or VBScript on the frontend, or PHP, ASP, or JSP on the backend. These are programming languages (actually, they're called scripting languages.) They are all interpreted in much the same way that BASIC is interpreted, but they almost completely are the domain of webpages to either create a dynamic experience, or allow for database or other I/O with the user.

When things don't happen to me, this is what you get.

Math is delicious!

2007-11-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

Do you know what the square root of 4 is? It's 2. Do you know what the square root of -4 is? It's what is known as an imaginary number and the answer would be denoted as 2i, where i is the square root of -1. These so-called imaginary numbers are not unlike imaginary friends. Both can exist, but neither are real. (That's a math joke! Numbers that are not imaginary are called real numbers! Ha ha!)

What do you remember about geometry? You might remember a plane with an x-axis and a y-axis, and there were lots of lines being drawn according to different formulae. This is referred to as the Cartesian plane, named after mathematician/philosopher Rene Descartes. Some yahoo decided that it would be fun to describe what's called the Complex plane which is basically the Cartesian plane but for real and imaginary numbers (also known as complex numbers). Instead of having an x-axis and a y-axis, it has a real axis (which is where the x-axis would be), and an imaginary axis (which is where the y-axis would be). A guy named Benoit Mandelbrot thought it would be interesting to look at complex numbers in a set and graph them out. He wrote a formula, Z_{n + 1} = Z_n² + C, where Z and C are complex numbers. C is the original coordinate chosen in the plane. If Z_n tends to move away from C (and, thus, towards infinity, either real or imaginary), then C is not in what is called the Mandelbrot Set. When this is graphed out, the result is a fractal. If you zoom in on the fractal, you see similar shapes appear, and it is possible to continue zooming in forever, constantly seeing new and repeating shapes. Many people who graph this out using computers add color to the points that are not in the Set (the color depends on how long it takes for the set of Z_ns to trend towards infinity), and the result is a beautiful image.

This video zooms in on one part of a recurring shape in the Mandelbrot Set and you see a repetition six times. The music is by Jonathan Coulton and is called Mandelbrot Set.

I stole the title from Questionable Content

Regime change

2007-11-02T19:10:00.000-07:00

I saw a bumper sticker the other day: "Rock is dead. Long live Paper and Scissors!" This got me to thinking: If Rock is dead, then Scissors is running around unchecked. It's a death sentence for Paper! The only reason why Scissors couldn't continually destroy Paper is because Rock was there. The only reason Rock couldn't habitually crush Scissors is because Paper kept Rock in check. The only reason Paper would hold off covering Rock was because of the threat of Scissors. Now, with the death of Rock, Paper is taken out of the power struggle. Unless Paper flees, Paper will be destroyed, and the age of Scissors will reign supreme.

That was my thought regarding the bumper sticker I saw.

Is Paper covering Rock really all that devastating?

Country

2007-10-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

I discovered the identity of the Country song about being cooler online. It's called Online and is performed by Brad Paisley. I would embed the video, but embedding has been disabled. One of my favorite parts of this video is when the father (played by William Shatner) is told by the mother (played by Estelle Harris) that he can't sing! Now, I know that Country may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I think this and three other of his songs are pretty funny. Besides Online, there's also Celebrity, Alcohol, and I'm Gonna Miss Her. That last one has a certain quality of storytelling that reminds me of Garth Brooks, in particular his Friends In Low Places.

Imagine a cowboy singing about his woman wanting him to do one thing or it would be the last straw, and he, being himself, does exactly what she doesn't want him to do. Of course, the relationship has ended, but the song is just beginning. Upon announcing that he is now free (as in "available" and "free to do what he wants to do") there is an eruption of hoots, hollers, and other cowboy-like utterances of joy that come from a manufactured crowd. It's so utterly Country, and so utterly chauvanistic. It doesn't matter if the woman had been totally unreasonable during the relationship, or if the man is just completely insensitive. All we know is that the complete disregard for the relationship is enough to create a few laughs. Garth Brooks did that by ruining a black tie event by showing up in cow wrangling attire. Brad Paisley did that by going fishing and neglecting his girl, even though he was warned.

In closing ... why did I write a post about Country music?

Should I have written about the Hamster Dance instead?

A sign of the times

2007-10-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

It became fall over the weekend. I don't care where the Earth is in relation to the Sun. I don't care what the astronomers are saying. I don't care what the calendars say. Autumn hit over the weekend in Southern California. How do I know this? Simple. My allergies have gone completely insane, the air is so dry that my lips are bleeding, and everything is on fire and only getting worse because of the Santa Ana winds (which I've learned are from air currents that descend from Canada. Yes, the Canadian weather is trying to kill us here in California. I think it's jealousy over the warmer weather.) I could, of course, try to avoid going outdoors as much as possible, slather my face with Chapstick, and stay the hell away from the Hell that is Malibu (where some of the burnings are,) but then I wouldn't have seen UCLA beat Cal.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, UCLA was ranked at #14 in the nation at the beginning of the season and, because of two losses are now pushed out of the top 25. Cal (which is UC Berkeley,) was ranked #12 in the nation at the beginning of the season and moved up to #10 (at one point, they were #2.) It's an interesting match between Cal and UCLA because they are the only two University of California schools that are in the PAC10 NCAA conference. Also, UCLA was initially created as a sister school to UC Berkeley. They are our beginning. We get our school colors from them. Our mascot is an offshoot of theirs (they are the California Golden Bears, and we are the UCLA Bruins.) Our fight songs are almost exactly the same (some subtle changes in the way the notes are played, but basically the same.) It's something of a sibling rivalry between the two schools. I was so happy with the outcome mostly because we won, but also because we, the younger sibling, have been pushed so far down in the national ranking, we've had some problems (we are the only team this season to have lost to Notre Dame,) but we're fighting, and we beat what should have been the better team.

Finally, it's a sign of the times. As we were driving to the game, my dad had the country music station on and I heard a country song where the premise was that the singer was much cooler online than in real life. A country song about making up an online personality! He said that even on a slow day he could "have a threeway: chat with two women at the same time." About 15 years ago, the Internet was this new thing for the public that was just becoming commercial. About 10 years ago, it was still the domain of the geeks, but it was becoming more of a social tool. Maybe 5 years ago was the beginning of Web 2.0, the birth of the Social Internet. Now we've got our social sites that are accessible to anyone and used by everyone: MySpace, Chemistry.com, and even Blogger. It's a sign of the times.

Eumenorrhea: n. normal menstruation

Creativity or discovery?

2007-10-12T17:02:00.000-07:00

What is creativity? Look at works of art. Look at books. Are these created? Or are the works discovered? There is a mathematical construct called a "set." A set is simply a list of numbers. It could be all counting numbers from 1 to 10 (which is a finite set.) It could be all numbers in existence (which is an infinte set.) What if, instead of numbers, you used letters? What if you had a set that contained all of the letters, numbers, spaces, and punctuation entered into a blog post? You have them entered into the set in the exact order in which they appear in the post. You now use this mathematical construct to describe something that has been created. But what if it's the other way around?

How do you know that there are an infinite number of numbers? There's a simple answer to that: you can always add 1 to a number to get a new number. If a computer were to write out 5,000 letters, numbers, spaces, or other punctuation at random, it's possible that it would produce something readable. If you had a computer output all possible combinations of these characters until it hit that 5,000 character limit, you would have lots of gibberish, but you'd also have the first 5,000 characters of every work ever written. Scripts to plays would be written out, speeches made, novels written, suicide notes, the text for comic books, news stories. All of it would be present. Now remove the 5,000 character limit and allow any possible length, from 1 character to an infinite number. The result would be an infinite number of stories. You would have stories that already exist, and you would have their prequels and their sequels, stories the original authors never intended or even thought of. You would have new stories with ideas that nobody ever thought of. You would have proofs to scientific theories, as well as the failed proofs that wouldn't hold up to scrutiny. The same could be applied to other works of creativity. You just have to change what can be in the set. You could change the set from letters to musical notes, or colors placed at coordinates. You could change the set to byte codes and create every piece of software that could ever exist.

When we put these sets together, are they being created by us? Or do they already exist, awaiting for somebody to build the sentences, paint the colors, play the music resting in some ethereal mathematical construct?

Graphospasm: Writer's cramp

The A/V conversation

2007-10-04T09:58:00.000-07:00

Recently, the wife and I had the A/V conversation. She wanted to record something and we don't have any sort of DVR. We're still relying on portable magnetic storage for audio/visual content. Unfortunately, I was in the supermarket when she was setting up the VCR, so we were talking on the phone when it happened.

Wife: "I want to record something."

Me: "OK. Turn on the HD converter, the VCR, the TV, and the DVD player."

Wife: "OK."

Me: "It should be set to 'Video 2'."

Wife: "It says 'Video 1'."

Me: "Why would the DVD player say 'Video 1'?"

Wife: "No, the TV says 'Video 1'."

Me: "Oh. Right. The TV should say 'Video 1', but you also have to set the DVD player to 'Video 1'. Hit the 'Function' button until it says 'Video 1'."

Wife: "OK. The DVD player says 'Video 1'. So I should be good to go?"

Me: "You'll have to make sure that the VCR is set to 'Input 1'."

Wife: "How do I do that?"

Me: "You press the 'TV/Video' button."

Wife: "It doesn't say 'Input 1', but I get a picture when it's on 'L 1'."

Me: "Yeah, 'L 1' is 'Input 1'."

Wife: "So I can record now?"

Me: "Do you have a crisp, clean picture, or a snowy static-y picture?"

Wife: "Clean."

Me: "Then you're good to go."

It was really strange because it always made sense in my head. All audio/video signals go through the DVD player because the DVD player is the conduit for the speakers, so the DVD player has to run. The VCR connects to 'Video 1' of the DVD player and the video game systems connect to 'Video 2' of the DVD player. Nothing but television signals run through the VCR. This allows TV to be recorded while video games are played and I don't have to worry about accidentally pressing the wrong button and recording NCAA Football 2008 instead of Gray's Anatomy. However, when it was coming out of my mouth, I was thinking: "You want to record something. Turn on the DVD player. Yeah. That makes sense."

There's a reason for everything. I just forget what that reason is.

The biggest mass-multiplayer environment ever!

2007-10-01T10:52:00.000-07:00

It isn't new, but it's out there. It's available for everyone to experience ... for free! It has the most realistic graphics of any mass-multiplayer environment in existence (the clipping plane literally extends to infinity!) It has the best audio quality available (fully analog, but without the clicking of audio aliasing!) And yet, despite such amazing quality, it will run on current hardware (no upgrades necessary!) It even takes advantage of biotechnology that has existed for ages to allow a completely immersive experience. You no longer limit the sense of your in-game environment to sight and sound, but expand it to touch, smell, and even taste!

The system is the most realistic ever. It allows for in-game marriage, marriage to multiple individuals, same-sex marriage, even offspring (but only between opposite gender character ... so far). However, independent of the system, guilds have their own laws and peacekeepers. It is up to these guilds to recognize certain types of marriages. Also, even though player-killing is allowed by the system, the guilds and their peacekeepers may have laws which forbid it (engage in player-killing, and there might be consequences.)

So what do you do in this environment? You start off by learning how to get around and how everything works. There's a bit of time spent just exploring the amazing physics engine. During this time, you learn skills and build relationships with the other newbies. When you've finally levelled up enough, you are let loose into the world. The world is extremely open ended, and usually you interact with other players to acheive whatever goals you have set for yourself. There is no system coded class or job system. Instead, it all depends on the guilds and how they have organized their class structure.

It all sounds great, doesn't it? There are, of course, some criticisms. In the game, you only have one life (there may be some ways to allow one player to restart from newbie status, but currently any "reincarnation" codes or methods have not been proven to exist.) Also, you are not allowed a character create option. Your character is semi-randomly created based on information from two other characters (who are not of your choosing.) Also, your choice of guild(s) (along with the advantages and drawbacks) depend upon several aspects of the two "parent" characters, including location and their own status within their current guild(s).

It sounds absolutely fascinating, doesn't it? It's called "Life" and currently has over 6 billion players world-wide!

We apologize for the several issues our players have had with "Life". We are currently working on rectifying those issues. However, it has been decided that the fixes will not be released in the form of a patch, but rather as "Life v. 2.0". The extensive rebuilding is infeasable to be fixed via patch. Players that wish to play "Life v. 2.0" will not be able to transfer their characters over to the new system. Entirely new characters will have to be created. If you wish to transfer to the new system, your current character will have to be terminated. Once again, we apologize for the inconvenience, but ... that's Life.

Too much has happened.

2007-09-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't written a new post in a while. First, not much happened to me. Then, a rather large opportunity fell into the lap of my wife and myself. It was a very big opportunity and we didn't discuss it with anyone. I'm not particularly superstitious, but I didn't want to take any chances with possibly jinxing myself. Then, I was sent to some IT training courses for three days. Finally, my wife and I bought a house (which was the very big opportunity mentioned earlier).

My wife and I had been semi-casually house hunting for a while now. We just figured that we would go to the occasional open house and look to see if it was something we felt we could live in. This gave us an idea of the sort of house we were looking for. However, we didn't see anything that really made us think of making an offer until we saw one house in particular. Unfortunately, we didn't know what we could afford and we lost the house while trying to figure that out. We then put off house hunting for a while. It was during that time that my mother-in-law discovered a house for us. The owners were looking to sell to a young couple that was looking to start a family. They didn't want to put the house on the market or deal with a real estate agent, but rather, sell directly. We just happen to be a young couple that would like to start a family (in a few years), and we're looking for a house that we can love and that will love us back. It was a perfect match. We just had to wait for both owners to become available so we could discuss the sale (the husband wasn't in town at the time.) Basically, they agreed to just hold on until we all could sit down and talk.

It was during this time (waiting for them to get back to us so we could talk,) that I was sent to some training courses in Irvine (about an hour and a half away from where I live). It was 7 hours of class a day for three days. This made me stop and think. When I was a student, I studied five subjects (and ran on the Cross Country team,) for a little less than an hour a day per subject. In the three days of training, I got 21 hours worth of class. That amounts to more than 21 days when I was in high school. I just thought it was interesting. (I don't know if I actually retained 21 hours worth of information for those three days...)

Training was finished and there were only two things left to do: buy a house, and get sick from attempting the FatBurger Triple KingBurger Challenge. We bought our first (and hopefully last) house on Saturday. We met with the sellers and we talked for about four hours with a downloaded sale contract in front of us. We hammered out the details and signed. Simple! The next day we celebrated at FatBurger and I attempted the Triple KingBurger Challenge. It's three half-pound patties, and whatever else you want added on. I had egg and cheese on mine. Unfortunately, I failed to finish. Well, if it's either finish a Triple KingBurger or own a house, I'd go with the house.

The Triple KingBurger is cheaper, though...

If only hindsight worked in reverse.

2007-08-30T17:54:00.000-07:00

I read today that people are calling for the resignation and/or firing of both the president and police cheif of Virginia Tech. The argument is that lives could have been saved had they done something differently. In case you weren't aware (or perhaps you'd just forgotten all of the details,) Seung-Hui Cho, a student at VT, killed two people, delivered a video confession by mail to NBC, then killed 30 more people two hours after his first two victims, and finally took his own life. People are wondering why there was no action taken within those two hours. For example, a campuswide e-mail could have gone out. Rational adults would have been able to take steps to give themselves more safety. People are also questioning why the mental instability of Seung-Hui Cho wasn't taken into account when he was admitted as a student. Surely, if it were deemed that he was too violent, he may have been shuffled off to another campus, or perhaps just watched a bit carefully.

I have some problems with calling for the removal of two people because of this incident. Initially, two people were killed. That's terrible. However, is it worth shutting down the entire campus? Probably not. There was no indication at the time that would suggest other lives were in danger. When I was in college, a body was discovered on campus, it was deemed murder, and there was an article in the school newspaper. The body was well hidden, and nobody knew it was there until it started rotting. I passed by it a few times during the week and was just wondering why it was smelling progressively worse around the parking structure. Someone was mentally unstable (or had just put themselves in a very bad position,) and business resumed as usual.

Secondly, during the two hours between killings, the student body wasn't notified. Why should they be informed about something that appeared to be a domestic dispute? In my mind, an investigation should have begun (which, I'm sure, would have happened,) but the academic lives of the students should be interrupted as little as possible. The president convened the proper decision making body (which took 30 minutes to assemble,) and they discussed the double murder and what they should do about it.

Third, should a mass e-mail have been sent? I don't think so, no. The argument is that rational adults (i.e. the students on campus) will take the steps to improve their own safety. How many rational adults do you know? How many adults do you know that won't fall apart in a terrorizing situation? I know some very rational people who, if they were in fear of their lives, would not behave rationally. I believe that telling a campus of thousands that they are potentially in danger, it would incite panic. There are situations where massively warning people will work or may be necessary. If the people are in a wartime situation and you must tell a city to get to a safety bunker, or if a contained structure were in danger, then inform the masses. If you've got a spread out campus and you don't even know what the killer's intentions are, don't tell everyone.

Fourth, the killer's mental instability. How many people are out there that have anger issues? How many came from rough childhoods? How many are deemed instable enough to be labelled as "instable", but stable enough to be given free reign? Are we going to watch all of these people? Are they going to be denied an education because they may pose a threat to others? Who at the university is going to perform a psychological review of every student that enrolls? I don't believe that mass murder has become so commonplace that such measures are necessary.

Finally, there are the what-ifs. What if the student body was warned? Would they be able to protect themselves? Would that have driven the killer to find the nearest populated classroom to make his final stand a bit sooner than expected? If you think about a college campus, 30 people is a rather low number. That's just a classroom. What if he chose a lecture hall? Nobody could have imagined that his purpose was to kill any more than the first two victims. If I were in that situation, I would have believed that the college had an isolated incident: Two dead and an investigation to begin. I don't mean to sound callous. I just want people to think like rational adults. Don't call for the removal of a man simply because he didn't expect the unexpected in an environment where such decisions should never have to be made.

Am I wrong?

Nothin' much ...

2007-08-21T10:56:00.000-07:00

I realize that I haven't posted anything in a while. There hasn't been much to say. Things have been a little boring of late. Don't get me wrong, I like boring! "Boring" is exciting to me, while "exciting" bores me. Once, my wife and I went clubbing (this was before we got married) and we fell asleep at the club! Just wasn't our scene.

However, since I haven't updated in a while, I figured I'd get out there and say hi. "Hi!"

Um... yeah.

If you could be any video game/movie/cartoon character, who would you be and why?

I would want to be Keiichi Morisato from the Ah! My Goddess anime. (It's pretty weird that this beats out other bad-ass characters, such as Link, Legolas, Aragorn, and even Malcolm Reynolds!) My reason is because Keiichi has got true love in his life and he's out of the public eye. He can just exist as he wants. Link has the problem of having to save Hyrule. All. The damn. Time. Legolas, while bad-ass, doesn't get the girl in the end; he gets the dwarf. Aragorn ends up wearing the crown of the kingdom of men. Mal is constantly on the run from the Alliance, always fighting for his life. Compared to all of that, Keiichi has a goddess for a girlfriend, motorcycles to fix and ride, and a (mostly) easy, (mostly) quiet life. Replace motorcycles with computers, and you've got what I want (and feel I have) out of life.

Yeah.

Chicken monkey shoes?

If this building's rockin' ...

2007-08-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

Then it's probably an earthquake. If it's a big enough quake, then still don't come a knockin'. There might be structural damage. Banging on something that isn't structurally sound isn't the smartest thing to do.

Well, that all depends, I suppose. We were hit by a magnitude 4.5 last night around 1:00 AM. 4.5 is pretty small, and it only lasted for about a second or two. However, it felt pretty sharp and rumbly and it woke me up. This makes only the second earthquake to wake me up, so that's pretty strange. (The first was the Northridge earthquake that hit at a moderate 6.7 magnitude.) Not something necessarily worthy of banging on the door to ask if we're injured in any way.

Tell ya' what: If SoCal gets hit by anything larger than a 6 on the Richter Scale, a kind checking in wouldn't go unappreciated! I just figured I'd let you in on my news for the day.

The weird thing is that I think earthquakes are fun!

Wha...?

2007-08-07T15:48:00.000-07:00

O.J. Simpson has allowed a video game publisher to use his likeness in a football video game. Considering that he's a retired half-back with a distinguished career, that pretty much makes sense. The same publisher asked several other retired players for their likenesses. The thing that gets to me is that the publisher is Take-Two Software.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Take-Two, you're probably familiar with the names of some of their games, including the Grand Theft Auto series and the Manhunt games. The game features fictional teams to play football. One that the news media has latched onto is called The Assassins, and their mascot is a knife wielding killer. Now, O.J.'s character is not directly related to The Assassins or their mascot. He may or may not be chosen to be placed on the team. In this sense, it's all a simple coincidence. However, considering his history, wouldn't O.J. want to make sure that he isn't related to a company that makes such violent video games? They make violent video games. The public at large sees him as a violent killer. He is trying to (should be trying to?) rework his image such that people don't see him as a murderer.

Now, I'm not opposed to violent video games. I love a good game that's basically a bloodbath. I just don't understand what Simpson is doing. He has refused to pay what he lost in the civil trial, but he keeps doing stupid things that seem like they would make him money, such as writing a book about how he would have killed Nicole and Ron assuming he did it, or allowing Take-Two to use his likeness in a game. He has lost both the money he would have made from the book and the money he would have made from the video game to the Goldman estate in court. The Goldman family will not stop paying attention to him until they've drained him of all he owes at least. If he needs to do things to make money, shouldn't he try things that at least give him a more positive image?

What is he thinking!?

Dragon!

2007-07-31T08:09:00.000-07:00

I recently saw a paper decoration of a Chinese dragon. It was a long red representation of a giant lizard with a body that snaked along in a wave pattern. This made me wonder: how did the idea of a dragon come into existence? There's the western concept of the dragon (as seen in movies like Dragonheart,) and the eastern concept of the dragon (as seen in cartoons like Dragon Ball Z.) Both are giant lizards with scaly hides. Often both expel fire from their mouths (to say they breathe fire is erroneous as that would require fire to be around them at all times so they may inhale what is basically energy released from a physical reaction. Since the world isn't burning, all dragons would suffocate from a general lack of fire.) Did such similar creatures come into being completely separately from one another?

I think the answer lies in time travel. The American aircraft carrier, the U.S.S. Nimitz, discovered an anomoly off the coast of Okinawa and then they found themselves a few thousand years in the past. They scrambled a few fighters to get a view of things. The distinctive roar of the engines as the fighters travelled west caught the attention of a few farmers who looked to the skies and saw smoke trails from a giant, glinting beast. By the time the fighters reached China, they decided to come in low for a look at things. The Chinese warriors immediately opened fire with arrows and, um, rocks. The fighters, being attacked, decided to return fire (because it's cooler than doing something like reaching a higher altitude to avoid the totally useless arrows and rocks.) The gunfire sounded like anger, and the missiles exploded upon impact. It appeared as though the beast was "breathing" fire and roaring in anger.

Then, in a sick twist of fate, they entered the anomaly again and wound up in the English Channel, and did the exact same thing over Germany. It was totally weird!

TROGDOR!
トロガドル!

Ah! Hindsight!

2007-07-18T13:41:00.000-07:00

I was going through my archives, 'cause I like to see what I'd written months ago, and I found this post. It's a bunch of movie/movie-going related questions designed to provide some sort of insight into the type of person I am. Question #2 is: "Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever." My response was: "Forever? Forever is a long time. I don't really know. I guess I've been kinda wanting to see Serenity, but before I see that, I'd have to watch Firefly. But ultimately I don't really care if I never see Serenity. I don't have an answer for this right now."

The sentence that really caught my eye was "But ultimately I don't really care if I never see Serenity." For the past few weeks, I've been stewing about Firefly. I'm four years late for that show and totally upset that it isn't on anymore! I think it could be bigger than Star Trek! I'm so into Firefly right now that, while I wanted the first outfit that I sewed for myself to be something I would wear to a Renaissance Faire, I now want to make myself a brown duster. They've been having Firefly conventions. They're called "shindigs" after one of the episodes. The fans call themselves "browncoats" named for the rebels that lost the war against the Alliance. Only 11 episodes aired and there was already a cult following. The movie came out, but to me it only felt like a two hour episode. There was so much that could have been done with that series. I'm hoping that there will be a spinoff(s), much like there was Star Trek: TNG, Star Trek: DS9, Star Trek: Voyager, and Star Trek: Enterprise. The only problem that I have is that I don't see them continuing the story of the original characters. There were some great relationships made, and wonderful character development, and room for tons of stories to be told. Unfortunately, the execs didn't allow the time that was needed for everything to truly take off.

Sad.

You can't take the sky from me since I've found Serenity.

Life is a bundle of happiness ...

2007-07-11T14:32:00.000-07:00

that gets devoured by the rabid dingos of complacency.

Is all that is left sadness when happiness is consumed? I think not. There are other organs inside the carcass of happiness. There is anger, resentment. Also, there are other emotions that are not happiness. My happiness is not yet a carcass. I know this because I am too lazy to write out, or even think of the other emotions that might replace happiness. (When I can be lazy, I am happy! My happiness is a pie. Happiness pie!)

Does this mean that happiness is made up of sadness? Is sadness the thing that holds happiness together? Is happiness only a flimsy skin that dingos rip apart leaving despair behind so that it may rot in the sweltering heat!? Of course not! This is all just a poorly crafted metaphor.

Silly reader! Trix are for ... people that want to eat cereal.

In mythology, there was a king named Minos. He had a creature that was half man, half bull. This was called the Minotaur (Minos' bull). However, it was not named Minotaur. It just was a Minotaur. It would be like having a horse. It is not named horse, it just is a horse. The name of the Minotaur was Asterius.

I bet a Minotaur wouldn't get ripped to shreds by dingos. Why can't our happiness be more like a freakish bull-man-thing!?

I like some cheeses, but not others.

Took a few days off, I did!

2007-07-09T17:40:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, last Wednesday was July 4th. If you didn't know that it was July 4th, then I think there's something wrong with you. Now, if you also didn't know (or maybe you just didn't remember,) July 4th is the anniversary of the declaration of American independence. We in America call it "Independence Day" or "The 4th of July". Those of you in Britain might call it "the day those poxy bastards decided they were better off without us," (or maybe you don't,) and the rest of the world most likely calls it "July 4th." It's a wonderful day where we get together with family, have barbecues, and watch fireworks. In my youth, I figured that the fireworks represented the "bombs bursting in air" (because of a line from our national anthem,) however I realize now that there were no bombs bursting in air on July 4th, 1776. There were actually just a handful of traitors and a document that was written. The document wasn't even signed until a few days later.

Anywho, seeings as how it's the official start of the nation, July 4th is a national holiday in the good ol' U. S. of A. We had a holiday on Wednesday. WEDNESDAY! Two days of work, one day of break, and two days of work! That's just weird. So the wife and I took off Thursday and Friday, as well! Ha ha! We did 4th of July type things on Wednesday (got together with family, had barbecues, watched fireworks,) and it was tons of fun! Then, on Thursday, we went to Disneyland ... for lunch! After lunch, we killed some time in Disneyland before we had to leave to go to dinner ... at Medieval Times! Yeah ... it was fun! I want a sword.

On Friday, we spent the day with my in-laws. My mother-in-law helped me put together my first sewing project. I had already cut the pieces out of the pattern and applied the interfacing. The only thing left was to actually put everything together. Since she has a sewing machine (and I didn't want to buy one because I wasn't sure if I'd like sewing,) she pulled the machine out and set everything up for me and walked me through what I needed to do. I made a messenger bag for my wife. It's denim with pink butterflies embroidered in the material. She seems to like it. I like it, too, so I'm thinking of making one for myself. It won't have the pink butterflies and it probably won't be denim, and I'm also thinking of ways to make changes to it. The original design was a very simple bag with a single flap to close it. There were two pockets in the lining (I was concerned about making the pockets, so my mother-in-law and I opted to make a single large pocket.) I'm thinking of adding pockets to the outside of the bag along with buckles to fasten the bag closed. Also, I think it would be good to make adjustable straps. I've got the plans in my head, I just want to go to Jo-Ann's and look for materials! Eee! (I'm such a woman!)

We spent Saturday with her in-laws. My parents, my wife, and I went to Venice beach. We got hot dogs and pizza and walked from Venice Pier to Santa Monica Pier, took in the ocean, rode on the ferris wheel, and walked back. Along the way back, we stopped for smoothies and ice cream. It was a very refreshing afternoon. Then, we hurried back to my parents' house, had a quick dinner and ran off to the Pantages theater in Hollywood to see Wicked. It's a great story. Even though there are some clashes with the original story of The Wizard of Oz, I like to think (in the world that exists in my head,) that this is how the story actually went. I won't go into details in case anyone wants to see it (or read the book,) but I think it's a well thought out story.

On Sunday, we went back to my parents' house. They've got this great home theater system. We usurped their house (while they, coincidentally, went to see Wicked) and had ourselves a marathon of watching the fifth season of 24 on DVD. We got through a good (and exciting) 10 hours of the show!

And that was my five day weekend! Such fun!

"I'm genuinely self-absorbed, and deeply shallow."
-- Fiyero from Wicked

I found this on the YouTubes

2007-06-29T18:41:00.001-07:00

This is from the finale of the first act of my favorite opera comedy, L'Italiana in Algeri (The Italian Girl in Algiers). It also happens to be my favorite part of the opera. Just thought I'd share!

Actually, I was a little upset that I couldn't find a good video for the storm scene in Rigoletto (quite possibly my favorite opera overall.) I must say that I was a bit surprised because it's such a good trio, but most people focus on the duets, the quartet (Bella Figlia,) and the ever-so-popular La Donna é Mobile. I actually had a coworker refer to La Donna é Mobile as "the pasta song" ("because they sing it when you eat pasta!")

Dio loro perdona!

I'm a bad tech guy.

2007-06-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

I read a webcomic today about the iPhone. I was never too excited about the iPhone, and this doesn't really change things for me. However, it surprised me that the character described the iPhone as a computer in his pocket. I stopped and thought about this. The Blackberry allows you to get online. If you connect to the internet and use Google Docs, then you can do spreadsheet work and word processing from a computer that you carry around with you. A handheld computer. It gets reception like a cell phone. Speaking of cell phones (and, thus, circling back around to the iPhone,) I have one. Do you know what I use it for? Placing and receiving phone calls. I don't text anyone. I don't use it for pictures. I don't listen to music on it. I don't get new ringtones. There's a plethora of features that I don't exploit.

I'm in the stone age. I've finally gotten a broadband internet connection (apparently the new Verizon FIOS is supposed to be lightning fast, faster than DSL or cable, but I think that's the work of heathen gods. I must think that it's some sort of black magic considering how behind and backwards I am!) I'm getting online using only a "standard" computer. (For kicks I've browsed the internet from my PSP, but it's not really a serious tool for the sort of connectivity a portable device should have.) I say that I'm a gamer, but I don't do any online gaming!

The only solace that I have in the face of all of these smaller and smaller pocket computers is that I can say that they don't have compilers in them. How can I write an operating system for something that won't let me customize a binary output file?

And, lo, the Lord did say "Thou shalt connect to the 'net using 9600 baud and nothing greater!"

Like greased lightning!

2007-06-21T18:07:00.001-07:00

Behold, denizens of the 'net! For I now have broadband!

w00t!

Interesting news week.

2007-06-21T07:14:00.000-07:00

Today, there were a few news items that piqued my interest. While not necessarily Earth shattering revelations or news items that will affect society as a whole, I believe that these items merit the title of "news" a bit more than the celebrity gossip I had posted previously. In Texas, a man had struck a little boy with his car. The boy had non-fatal injuries and seems to be doing well enough. The passenger of the car was beaten to death. The driver escaped and is cooperating with authorities. In New Hampshire, a couple has camped out in their home / stronghold and refuses to be "taken alive" by authorities. Their heinous crime: tax evasion. There is so much presence by law enforcement and tensions are so high that the local residents fear this may escalate to an incident that may compare to Ruby Ridge or Waco.

It was a while ago, but I recall watching an episode of C.S.I. where a youth was struck by a car. Unlike the real life story of the child hit in Texas, the fictional Las Vegas accident ended with two deaths. However, the young man was dead before being hit by the car (other nefarious schemes which I can't remember caused him to emerge from a wilderness onto the street just before he died.) The driver jumped out to examine the body. Upon seeing the extent of the injuries, he jumped back into his car. A group of men saw what appeared to be a suspect fleeing the scene of the crime, so they attacked the car, pulled the driver out, and killed him. They claimed they had administered justice. Here's the rub: the car was a taxi cab, and the driver was getting on his radio to call for help. The mob had murdered an innocent man.

In our much more unfortunate real life story, the young lad was struck, the passenger of the car got out to make sure the boy was ok, the mob attacked the car, the passenger tried to defend the driver, the mob turned on the passenger (who, being out of the car was a much easier target,) and beat him to death. As I said earlier, the driver escaped and is cooperating with the authorities. I wonder who thought to look after the boy while this mob was attacking the man. Why was there no point at which anyone thought "It's just one man. We don't all have to attack him. We just need to detain him." And, what I really hope for, out of all of the people involved, are any of them going to listen to their conscience and come forward?

In New Hampshire, Ed Brown and his wife have locked themselves in their home (with 8 inch concrete walls,) and refuse to be "taken alive" by federal agents. They were sentenced in abstentia to five years and a month in prison. They believe that, since there is no law in the United States Constitution that says they have to pay taxes, they don't have to pay taxes.

First, I would like to address this concept of being taken alive. They aren't charged with possessing illegal weapons. They haven't formed a cult or engaged in sexual relations with minors. It's tax evasion. Tax evasion! That's the joke behind the downfall of Al Capone! When I think about what Capone did, organized crime, distribution of an illegal substance, the Valentine's Day Massacre, it makes me laugh to remember that tax evasion is what brought him down! It's absurd!

Second, I bring up actually paying taxes. I believe that if you are a resident of a country, then you pay taxes to the government of that country. Governments cannot run for free. Upkeep requires currency. You want roads to be paved? That'll cost you. You want the streets to be lit up at night? That'll cost you. You want emergency response teams such as police and fire? That'll cost you. If you live in a first world country, it probably costs you more (in terms of quantity of money.) First world countries live in luxury compared to the third world, and luxury can be expensive. It's something we shouldn't take for granted, though. I'm thrilled that I have running water. I'm thrilled to know that a phone call can summon emergency support. I'm happy that previous generations paid their hard-earned money to lay the foundation for such luxuries. On top of the luxuries I enjoy today, I'm sure that my hard-earned money will lay the foundation for future luxuries that future generations can enjoy. Sure, it's something that I, as a taxpayer, pay for, but imagine a world where that doesn't exist? Even if we had the money we would save from not paying taxes, only the wealthy upper class would enjoy what everyone has right now. Law enforcement would be the station of the individual unless you paid someone to ensure your safety. If your house burned down, what support would you have? Roads would still be dirt, only pounded out by common use. Why should anyone pave a public road with their own money? There would be no sanitation. We would be living in filth and anarchy.

Is it fair for a few individuals to say they don't have to pay taxes if they get to use public services? Ed Brown and his wife claim that they can be self sufficient. Their house has solar, wind, and geothermal energies. I figure, let them stay there. If they can survive without us, let everything go. Don't respond to 911 calls. If the government supplies them with water, stop supplying them. If they have a well, then they should be good to go. Cut off the luxuries they enjoy that they aren't willing to pay for. See how long they last. If they can live without them, why should they pay for it?

Should we not allow them use of public roads? Or should we be altruistic in that regard?

I feel the need!

2007-06-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

The need for speed!

OK. Perhaps "speed" is the wrong word. I try not to besmirch the names of providers of technology. I've had good and bad experiences with computers manufactured from several companies. I've worked on laptops from Sony, Dell, HP, Compaq, and other such companies. Many have been good and a few have been bad. The same goes for technology services. When you stop to think about it, how difficult is it to provide online service across a nation that spans the width of North America? How difficult is it to provide telephone service to a population like India or China? There are technical hurdles that have to be overcome. Sometimes you stumble. Sometimes the service you provide falters. It happens. It's not worth getting upset over.

I'm not so much "upset" as I am "amused." As I said, I try not to besmirch the names of providers of technology, so I'll not provide the name of the company around which this tale revolves. I've signed up for a high speed internet connection. Finally! The website of the provider says that, after applying, I'll get a phone call within 24 hours to discuss payment and installation options. That was on the 12th. Today is the 19th. It has been exactly one week since I submitted my online application, and I still have not received a call. It was I who had to call them!

Anywho... I should have delicious broadband by the end of the week. However, things don't seem to have gotten off to a speedy start. We'll see what happens next!

Grar!

Slow news day

2007-06-08T15:15:00.000-07:00

I was checking the news at Yahoo! News today. Three items caught my eye. Paris Hilton has been ordered back to jail, Americans believe that creationism and/or evolution is the source of, well, us, and Isaiah Washington will not be returning to Grey's Anatomy next season. I feel somewhat ashamed that those were the things that interested me. I know that I shouldn't feel so bad about it, but I, for some reason, do.

Paris Hilton is just like this train wreck that I don't want to watch, but every time I see something about her jail term in the news, I feel drawn, compelled to look. She was in jail for less than 4 days when she was released to serve the rest of her term under house arrest because of a "medical condition." When the judge heard about this, he ordered her back into jail. She screamed that it was unfair and sobbed to her parents that she loved them.

Give me a break. It's 45 days. She's not being executed. There should be a separation of the prisoners. White collar criminals and celebrities (y'know, the types that aren't likely to kill someone for the hell of it,) should be kept isolated from the violent criminals. She'll have to deal with a lack of comfort for about a month and a half. Only a month and a half! Driving while intoxicated and driving on a suspended license. The former being potentially dangerous and life threatening, not just to the driver, but to all people on the road, the latter existing because of such action that include the former! What really irks me is that, even after her sentence is up, I feel confident that she won't have learned anything from this.

Second, Americans believe that creationism and/or evolution could have been possible. I've decided that I don't really want to get into this argument. I'm currently of the frame of mind that, if people want to believe in one or the other, then that's their right. I personally believe that the planet is much older than 10,000 years and that dinosaurs once roamed the Earth. I believe that evolution has created us as we are today. I believe that there is a supreme being watching over this evolution and is using it as a tool to guide life in the universe towards its final destination. ... yeah.

Finally, Isaiah Washington. I feel that, even though he stumbled, he shouldn't be let go. It seems apparent to me that he has made some mistakes and he is taking steps to rectify those mistakes. Maybe one of those steps is having to face the consequences of losing your job on a television show. Who knows?

Argle bargle!

I hope you seceed in all your endeavors

2007-06-04T14:23:00.000-07:00

First, I'll tell you that my brother got Spaced on DVD. It's a British sitcom. I had completely forgotten that I'd heard about it. I was just psyched because of Simon Pegg. Then I saw an episode where the group were discussing an equation that could describe the past, present, and future. It was a very profound moment for the intoxicated flatmates that was capped off with Tim (Pegg's character,) mentioning that he had Jaffa cakes in his pocket. Everybody cheers. At the very moment I'd heard the words "Jaffa cakes," I was immediately reminded of something I'd posted. The content of the post has very little to do with this story. Instead, it's the first comment by Ultra Toast Mosha God. It was pretty cool!

In other news, the American state of Vermont has a cadre of people that wish to seceed from the Union. They envision the United States as an empire that is about to fall and would like to jump ship before it happens. I understand their reasoning, but I think it's a bad idea. The U.S. has seen a secession before. It ended very badly for both sides (but did help to jumpstart the abolishment of slavery, so ... yay for the American Civil War?) If those who believe that it has become "necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another" because "a long train of abuses and usurpations" lead them to believe "it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government" is secession really the answer? Ours is a government where almost any citizen can run for almost any political office. If the people of Vermont truly feel that the Government has become corrupt, why not create a new political party? Or attach themselves to a political party that doesn't have the size or the background of wealth to allow for such corruption?

If Vermont were to seceed, would there have to be another Civil War? I don't think so. Vermont is almost completely surrounded by the United States. It's northern border runs along Canada. Would Vermont be able to sustain itself? If the United States limits the airspace to any flights going to Vermont, the only way to get external goods would be through Canada or by means of smugglers. Would Canada trade with Vermont? If the United States were to request that Canada not trade with Vermont (on account of Vermont's "traitorous" actions,) would Canada, as an ally of the United States, honour that request? If all of that occurs, then Vermont would lose in a Civil War where there didn't have to be any fighting. In their position (both political and geographical,) it doesn't seem like secession is the wisest course of action.

I never said we were going to seceed! I said we would succeed!

Keep religion out of schools so we can let God back in

2007-05-29T13:00:00.000-07:00

I had read this wonderful little news article today on Yahoo! News. A woman named Laura Mallory has been trying to get the Harry Potter books banned from some Georgia schools. The schools refused her request to have them denied, the Georgia Board of Education refused her request to have them denied, and now the Supreme Court refused her request to have them denied. She wants to move up to Federal Court.

The books, of course, are fiction, and the county school board members have said that the books are "good tools to encourage children to read and to spark creativity and imagination." Her argument is that witchcraft is a form of religion practiced by some people. Having books with witchcraft in them present within a school violates the Constitutional separation of Church and State. Also, she has "a dream that God will be welcomed back in our schools again."

What sort of argument is that!? I'm sorry, but this sort of hypocracy makes me angry. I'm sure that there are plenty of books in the school libraries across the nation that have, if not an entirely Christian story, at least a Christian leaning. One can read about different religions in schools. That's an education. One cannot be taught that any one religion is correct. That's faith.

I'm hoping that the Federal Court dismisses her suit as frivolous and stupid.

In middle school, I was taught that people in the world practiced a religion called "Buddhism." Ooh! Scandalous!

Boots!

2007-05-24T11:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was boots day! My boots came! I'm all swashbuckle-y! Sword and gloves, here I come! w00t!

That's all, really.

Dies irae!

2007-05-23T19:40:00.000-07:00

Day of wrath!

I'm working on a project to make the working lives of a team of people easier and more productive. Let's assume that the name of the supervisor of this team is Alex (the supervisor's name is not Alex.) Because the supervisor is Alex, the project has been lovingly (and unofficially) dubbed the Alex Project. Working on the Alex Project has been frustrating. It's a very strange situation. I'm tired of working on it and I just want it to go away, but at the same time, I've become so close to it that I can't stand the thought of giving it to somebody else or just stopping. Alex, too, is tired of it and would love for it to be finished. We have both complained to each other about how frustrating things have been. (Alex is a wonderful person and has not been piling this work on top of me. Rather, we discovered a method for automating a few tedious tasks and addition upon addition has come along, causing the few fixes to grow into a hulking beast.)

Fortunately the end is nigh. I anticipate that I won't have much to worry about the Alex Project after this week is over. However, for now I am listening to Mozart's Requiem as loud as I can (with my headphones on) while still being able to hear the noises around me.

All your worst nightmares are about to come true!

A picture of me? Really!?

2007-05-21T10:13:00.000-07:00

I've decided to upload a picture of myself in my Renaissance Faire outfit. It takes me a long time to get around to things of this nature. I'm sorry for the delay.

Let the laughter commence!

Names

2007-05-18T11:44:00.000-07:00

Nike
Microsoft
Oxygen
Hasbro
J. Crew
Pepsi
Reebok
JanSport
Mattel
Kellog's
Bantam
Fostor's
Betty Crocker
Apple
Hostess
United
Hewlett-Packard
ING
Gap
Despair, Inc.

I don't know what this means or why I wrote it.

Rebirth

2007-05-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

I went back to the Renaissance Faire on Saturday. I had to add to my enseble. I now have a medallion and a hat with a feather in it. I think it looks pretty good. My next step is to get a rapier and gloves. Without my realizing it, I've found that I'm sporting a very Spanish look. I didn't want anything that looked too Musketeer-ish (i.e. didn't want to look too French,) and most of the English and Italian looks appeared to belong to Merchants and Academics (not quite the "swashbuckling rogue" look I had desired.) So now I've worn my outfit to the Faire and it would appear that I have no reason to wear it out again until Halloween. ¡Soy triste!

I was talking to my father-in-law about the Ren Faire and, upon explaining the many oddities I'd seen, he inquired as to the time period they were attempting to emulate. I didn't really have an answer for that. The Renaissance is from the 1300's to the 1600's and is supposed to be a period of cultural advancement from the Middle Ages. Were there jousts during the Renaissance? Or is that more of a Medieval thing? At the Faire I've seen Samurai from the Japans, I've seen belly dancers from the Middle East, I've seen Aztecs from the New World. Is it an anachronism for these beings to exist in the same area? Of course, I realize that the point of the Faire is not cultural accuracy. It's just something to think about.

I suppose I'm going to have to make my attendance at the Ren Faire an annual thing, now.

I liked the monks with digital watches and sneakers!

Been a long time gone

2007-05-03T10:53:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I used a Dixie Chicks song title for the title of this post. I've got nothing against the Dixie Chicks. I like quite a few of their songs. However, the words describe how I feel. It's been a few days since my last post. What can I say? I've been busy. I won't bore you with the details. It's pretty much work stuff.

Now to get to the meat of the issue. For those of you who've actually been around me (particularly those who have had a few meals with me,) you know that I'm a tad carnivorous. I love a good rare prime rib. I love a good rare hamburger. I quite enjoy fried chicken. Or perhaps a roast beef sandwich. However, I eschew the toppings. I won't have lettuce, tomato, or onion with a sandwich. I'll leave the salad that comes with my prime rib untouched. I'll eat my pizza with meat toppings or nothing at all. No mushrooms, thank you very much. You see, I don't really eat any fruits or vegetables at all. (There is the random exception, including corn and edamame.)

My pickiness regarding what I consume has some "benefits." I've never been drunk in my life. I don't like the taste of alcoholic drinks, and my desire to drink something tasty outweighs my desire to cave in to peer pressure. However, I think it can be argued (successfully, I might add,) that the drawbacks are far greater than the benefits. I've had people tell me they're concerned about my health in more ways than one. Arteries clogging, vitamin deficiency, diabetes, potential obesity (I'm one of those hated people that don't gain weight, but friends and family expect me to balloon in my 30's.)

Well, I've discovered that I like something outside of my normal food groupings: Naked Juice. I've had the pomegranite cherry and the pomegranite blueberry drinks and found them to range from tolerable to tasty. I generally pride myself on my horrible diet, but I'm actually happy that I've found something with fruits in it that I can drink. Hopefully it will help me to acquire a taste for other things and I'll be better equipped to branch out.

Well, I gotta go. Work calls!

"Kicking a kitten ... A grown man punting a kitten who was looking the other way ... It was the bravest thing I've ever seen."
-- Torg from Sluggy Freelance in the KITTEN storyline.

A pirate I be!

2007-04-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

We made things happier during the weekend. My wife, my brother, and I went to see Hot Fuzz on Friday. Now, I'm not one to use Internet abbreviations, but I'll say this: OMFG! That's one I want to see again! Yearp.

On Saturday, I celebrated my birthday with my in-laws. Every year they take me to the Claim Jumper's for a prime rib dinner. It was fabulous!

On Sunday, my wife, my brother, and I went to the Renaissance Faire. It was supposed to be a pirate themed weekend. I dressed in modern day clothes and figured I would tell anyone who asked that I was a pirate specializing the the interception of messages and signals for my own entertainment as well as the dealing of goods of an intangible nature. In other words, I stole satellite television and software (neither of which are true, by the way!) At least, that was at the beginning of the day. By the end of the day, I was wearing stockings, knee length pants that bloomed out at the thigh, a puffy white shirt, a black and gold jerkin, and a black wool cloak. (Scott also had a black wool cloak and a leather mask that made him look downright creepy. It was awesome!) Other events included turtle racing, javelin throwing, archery, and climbing a rock wall.

All in all, I had a pretty good weekend. Spirits lifted quite nicely.

My allergies are killing me, though.

It hurts

2007-04-20T16:26:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, I have a brother who blogs, too. He recently wrote this piece about a death in our family.

Kiyoshi was cremated today.

It's been about two weeks since we found out that he had passed away. Part of me is just coming to realize that he's dead and part of me is telling myself that I've known about it for two weeks now. I think that part of me that's telling me I've known about it is in denial about my emotions and is trying to rationalize everything.

Kiyoshi was an amazing man. For me, he was the "kids' table" personified, but in a cool way. I remember disliking being relegated to the kids' table on holidays. Then, as I got older, I was still at the kids' table because there really weren't younger kids around. My siblings and I were still the kids even though we were reaching our late teens. We eventually came to realize that we loved the kids' table. We weren't listening to boring adult conversation, and we didn't have to be interesting for an older generation. Kiyoshi was the "kids' table" that we came to love at the time when we hated the literal kids' table. On New Year's Day when we went to his house, all of the adults would talk and watch football, but Scott and I would go to Kiyoshi's room where we would watch bad movies on his huge television. We watched The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension and Army of Darkness on laserdisc. It became the tradition that we would stay away from the "grown-ups" and watch crappy movies with Kiyoshi. Whenever we had family events with my dad's side (which was almost all the time,) I would always look forward to hanging out with Kiyoshi. He was the easiest person to get along with. You just loved him right away.

He was an enigma. He lived a quiet, simple life. He loved classical music and playing the piano. And he enjoyed a good slasher flick. I've heard relatives describe him as a quiet wild child. He was a reserved free spirit. I'm going to miss him.

Oh my youth!

2007-04-17T09:51:00.000-07:00

I've had a birthday. I'm now 27 years of age. That's not really important.

The day before my birthday (also known as Saturday,) I decided to revisit an activity in which I had engaged on other birthdays of my earlier years: miniature golf. There was a place that I knew only to be south of my parents' house that was essentially a castle next to a water slide. The castle was home to the golf course. My wife, my brother, and I got in the car and drove off for mini golf fun and childhood memories (for my brother and me, at least.)

Well, when we went before, we were little and had no concept of distances. We figured it was far away. However, after quite a bit of driving, we knew that we missed it. (We didn't have directions, we were just looking for the castle that we knew was visible from the freeway.) We pulled over and I called my parents to ask them where it was. It turns out that it wasn't that far at all. Perhaps a mile away from where I work, actually. We drove back, looking for the castle. My memories didn't register anything about mini golf being in the middle of aerospace defense companies. Eventually, we found it. Or, at least, the weatherbeaten sign. Where the water slide was sat a building owned by Northrop Grumman and the castle was non-existant. The only clues left that mini golf was there were the sign and a few decaying windmills. It wasn't the first time that something I remember from childhood has been replaced (in this case, replaced with a dirt field and a building full of engineers,) but it's still sad when it's gone.

Anywho, we found another place for miniature golf and still had fun! Then we saw 300. I thought it was a good movie, but not completely my style. I understand that it's based on a comic book and that it doesn't claim or even pretend to be historically accurate. However, I think that if the movie were filmed in that manner, but attempted accuracy (in terms of representation of the Persians and the Oracle and getting rid of all of the monsters and the fighting styles and techniques of the Spartans,) then I think I would have liked it better. But, for what it was, it was a great movie. One of history's greatest badasses was portrayed as nothing less than a total badass.

The chlorophyll of despair seeks the light of hope in a never ending sea of chickens.

Begin the hunt!

2007-04-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Easter. There was a hunt. There were no eggs involved. I created a hunt for my wife and she found the treasure.

It started off with a clue: a plush bunny holding a sheet of paper. On one side, an Ottendorf cipher, on the other, 72 letters with seemingly no meaning. If you've seen National Treasure, then you've seen an Ottendorf cipher. It consists of a series of three numbers. These numbers represent a page number, a line number, and a letter. You go to a book or a newspaper article or anything with pages and words and you can decode the message. However, the sheet didn't tell you what the source of the letters were. So she had to check the DVD for National Treasure. In the case for the DVD she found a message that was written backwards and had to be held up to a mirror to read. This message pointed to something by Dan Brown. So she checked the DVD case for The DaVinci Code and it had the words "Demand Angles son" written on a scrap of paper. Rearrange those letters and you have "Angels and Demons." Thus, the source for the Ottendorf cipher. However, when she decoded the Ottendorf cipher, she came up with 72 letters of complete gibberish. What was she supposed to do with that!?

It's called a one-time pad. Most ciphers and cryptograms have a key that is shorter than the message and a series of mathematical and logical steps to decode the message. A one-time pad has a key that is the same length as the message and generally on mathematical operation that occurs on each letter. You add the numeric value of a letter in the encoded message to the numeric value of the corresponding letter in the key. The purpose is that you can have an encrypted message in the open and, without the key, it is completely unbreakable. (Unfortunately, you have to have very long keys and they're usually written down. It's an extremely secure cipher if you can secure the key.) This is what she had to decode using the letters on the back of the sheet and the 72 characters from the Ottendorf cipher. It pointed to the backpack that sat in the middle of the room.

Treasure hunt!

Code monkey

2007-03-30T10:19:00.000-07:00

I've been sick. Like coughing, runny nose, sinus headache sick. But I think I'm getting better! W00t!

I've been introduced to the music of Jonathan Coulton. He writes little ditties like Re: Your Brains and Code Monkey. Since I don't want to think of actual post content, I'll just post the lyrics to Re: Your Brains.

Heya Tom, it’s Bob from the office down the hall
Good to see you buddy, how’ve you been?
Thing have been OK for me except that I’m a zombie now
I really wish you’d let us in
I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demand
But here’s an FYI: you’re all gonna die screaming

All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains

I don’t want to nitpick, Tom, but is this really your plan?
To spend your whole life locked inside a mall?
Maybe that’s OK for now but someday you’ll be out of food and guns
And then you’ll have to make the call
I’m not surprised to see you haven’t thought it through enough
You never had the head for all that bigger picture stuff
But Tom, that’s what I do, and I plan on eating you slowly

All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains

I’d like to help you Tom, in any way I can
I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me
I’m not a monster Tom, well, technically I am
I guess I am

I’ve got another meeting Tom, maybe we could wrap it up
I know we’ll get to common ground somehow
Meanwhile I’ll report back to my colleagues who were chewing on the doors
I guess we’ll table this for now
I’m glad to see you take constructive criticism well
Thank you for your time I know we’re all busy as hell
And we’ll put this thing to bed
When I bash your head open

All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains

I'm just too lazy/tired to actually think up anything.

Buh?

2007-03-20T15:10:00.000-07:00

...

Trying to get through The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

Want to go out and buy God of War II.

...

This was going to be a short post consisting of the two lines stated above. Then I realized that I said I wanted God of War II. That is one of the weirdest games in my head right now. Gamers are raving about this game right now. Why didn't Sony develop this sucker for the PS3!? The first God of War was absolutely incredible. Microsoft was on the warpath with the XBox 360 and Sony comes out with a powerhouse game of carnage and brutality with decent graphics and an excellent story about revenge for their aging PS2 system. They showed that they were still in the game despite what Microsoft was doing. Then, after their new system comes out and starts competing with their old system, they show their new system who's boss by producing the sequel to their powerhouse game with even more carnage and brutality! It's enough to make me want to put down my wiimote.

...

But, if it's enough to make me want to put down my wiimote, why didn't they make it enough to make me want to buy a PS3? Sony, Sony, Sony. What are you guys doing? Well, I suppose I should thank them for making sure that I don't have to shell out the money to enjoy God of War II! Thanks, Sony!

Twilight Princess doesn't sound like the manliest title out there...

I fear the Yas!

2007-03-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

Mostly, I'm writing this post because I'm sure that if I don't provide more content, Yas will make a statement about it.

So, I've had the Nintendo Wii for a short while now and I've been playing lots of Wii Sports. (I'm almost a pro ballplayer now! Well ... "pro" according to the Wii.) Last weekend, the wife and I decide "We've been playing so much of Wii Sports, why don't we actually get out and play something?" So we went to the batting cages on Saturday and played some tennis on Sunday. There's something you do in actual sports that you don't do while playing the Wii: running. By the end of our tennis hour (obviously the batting cages weren't too bad in the running department,) I was tired, sweaty, and probably a bit dehydrated (for my wife, replace "sweaty" with "sunburnt.") Despite the fitness/health problems that ensued (i.e. the headaches from dehydration and the aches and pains from not having worked out in damn near a millenia,) we had fun and are planning on hitting a ball around a tennis court again! (To say that we actually played tennis would be laughable!)

Just to let you all know, Off Constantly has another game tomorrow. We aren't playing anyone with as near a perfect name to match ours as the Master Batters, though. We're playing The Killers. Quite an original and well thought out name.

Here's an actual list of unix commands:
unzip ; touch ; finger ; mount ; gasp ; yes ; umount ; sleep

unzip is used to decompress zipped files.
touch is used to create a file in the filesystem.
finger is used to check if a user on the network exists.
mount is used to setup a hard drive, floppy drive, CD-ROM drive, or other storage device for use.
gasp is a tool for creating system protocols in generic programming languages.
yes is a program that simply returns a value of 1 to the operating system.
umount is used to shutdown a hard drive, floppy drive, CD-ROM drive, or other storage device after it's been used.
sleep causes the operating system to wait for a specified number of milliseconds.

Computer geeks are weird dudes!

Softball

2007-03-08T11:03:00.000-08:00

I've joined the department softball team. I was on the team last season and I've returned for this season. We had a perfect 0-8 season last time and this time around it's looking like more of the same! Our team name is Off Constantly. We played the Master Batters last Tuesday. If you think that their name is funny and subtlely dirty, then let me inform you that they won. They can now say that the Master Batters beat Off Constantly. (That is an entirely true story. I'm not making any of it up. I'm dead serious.)

In other news, I've been busy at work. Also, I haven't really had anything to report. I've been watching American Idol. I'm not a fan of the show, but my wife is. When it's on I'm usually in the room. I have this to say about American Idol: I like Simon the most out of the three judges. He does his job: he judges people. He gives his opinion and he doesn't sugarcoat anything. If/when these contestants (any of them, from the auditions up to the final two,) have to face America, is America going to say "I don't think you're right for this competition, but you look wonderful and you have a really pretty face."? No! The public is cruel (much more than Simon Cowell is.) Last night he told a girl that he couldn't remember her name. People thought that was a horrible thing to say. I thought it was important for the girl to hear. If she's not making an impression, then she's going to be quickly forgotten and she's going to be voted off the show. Plain and simple. Finally, one last thing about Simon: when he believes that he was wrong, he admits it. I've heard him say "I went back and reviewed the tape and I believe that I was wrong." He tells the truth (insofar as what he believes is the truth,) he sticks to what he believes is right, and he has the integrity to admit when he believes he is wrong. Paula always has to bring something up about how pretty people look and tends to stray from the fact that it is a singing competition, and I believe that Randy is somewhere in between the two.

Am I your American Idol?

Nintendo's power

2007-02-26T18:01:00.000-08:00

I suppose that this is the forum where I discuss my life and my thoughts, etc., etc. I haven't much new to say because I've been enjoying the Wii. Now, I don't like being wrong, but I don't think that I'm above admitting it when it happens. When Nintendo first announced the Revolution, I was skeptical. When they announced the new type of controller, I was even more skeptical. When they renamed the system to Wii, I figured that that was the end of Nintendo. At least they still had the handheld market. But wait! Sony has the PSP! It's got this beautiful screen with incredible resolution! It's got an analog stick! What is Nintendo going to do to counter this wonderful piece of technology? The DS? A touch screen? I don't want to end up switching between buttons and stylus! Your analog control involves dragging a stick across a screen!? What sort of demented crap is that?

Of course, after I have this firm belief in my head that Nintendo is on its last legs, what happens? The Wii and the DS do incredibly better than their Sony counterparts. Then I look back at what Nintendo has done. In the household gaming market, they introduced the Nintendo Entertainment System during a time when video games were waning in popularity. They came out with a new system that went up against the Atari 2600, the Colecovision, the Commodore 64, and a few others. Instead of the joystick with a single button, they gave us the control pad with four extra buttons. They introduced the Zapper. They brought us R.O.B., the Robotic Operating Buddy! Wait ... R.O.B.?

R.O.B. may be the first pivotal event in what was in store for Nintendo. R.O.B. wasn't really good for anything. He could play Gyromite, but you really had to think in advance to play with him. He was way too slow! What happened to R.O.B.? He faded into the background and became a memory and a few cameos in much more popular games. This was the first Nintendo accessory to fall out of the limelight and it wouldn't be the last. They also came out with the Power Glove, the Power Pad, and the Four Score. Does anyone remember these things? Who really played their games with them? They were basically just a bunch of failed products. Nintendo had to compete with a new contender: Sega. What could they do against a 16-bit machine?

Nintendo released the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. This one was also successful, but again, there were failed products, such as the Super Scope and the Super Game Boy. There were even discussions regarding the creation of a CD-ROM accessory for the SNES that was never actually implemented.

Now that the Game Boy has been mentioned, I suppose we should chalk something up to a Nintendo success. The Game Boy was one of the greatest handheld system in the history of forever. However, it went through several iterations. There was the Game Boy, the Game Boy Pocket, the Game Boy Color, the Game Boy Advance, the Game Boy Advance SP, the Game Boy Micro, and the handheld offshoots: the Virtual Boy, the Nintendo DS and the Nintendo DS Lite. That's a lot of different things that more or less amount to the same thing. (Actually, there should be a separation between the versions up to and including the Game Boy Advance SP and all versions after that. Everything before and including the GBA SP was backwards compatible with older games. Everything including and after the GBA Micro ignored the original Game Boy games.) Of all of these systems, only the Virtual Boy was a bust.

Moving on to other systems after the SNES, there was Nintendo's response to the new kid on the block (Sony's PlayStation,) the N64. Sega had moved on to a CD based format where games could be larger and produced more cost efficiently and Sony chose this format as well. The big problem was that you had to wait for loading off of the read only discs. Nintendo decided to be stubborn and went with a cartridge format. The games didn't look as good as Sony's and it looked like Sony would add some fresh blood. The PlayStation produced games that looked a lot like Sega's, but better, while Nintendo was still able to contend using tried and true (and exclusive) characters such as Mario and Link. In the end, however, this console wouldn't last. Nintendo then produced the GameCube in response to Sony's new PlayStation2. While it was a vast step up from the N64, it still wouldn't hold the popularity of the PlayStation2 or the new XBox.

Finally, Nintendo produces the Wii and has it come out against rivals PS3 and XBox 360. I'd like to produce a tally of video game systems:

Microsoft:
    XBox
    XBox 360

Sony:
    PlayStation
    PlayStation 2
    PlayStation 3
    PlayStation Portable

Sega:
    Sega Master System
    Sega Genesis
    Sega Saturn
    Sega Dreamcast
    Sega Game Gear

Nintendo:
    Nintendo Entertainment System
    Super Nintendo Entertainment System
    N64
    Game Cube
    Wii
    Game Boy
    Virtual Boy
    Game Boy Pocket
    Game Boy Color
    Game Boy Advance
    Game Boy Advance SP
    Game Boy Micro
    Nintendo DS
    Nintendo DS Lite

If we take a look at this, we see that Nintendo has made more consoles and hand held systems than anyone else in the video game industry. A few of them were total failures and some just weren't that good. If you also look at the failed accessories they've created, it appears as though they've tried to do many things and they just didn't pan out. However, I've noticed that all of these things are very innovative ways of playing games. R.O.B., the Power Glove, the Virtual Boy. Who would have thought of these things? A robot that can play the game with you? A controller that you wear? True three dimensional gaming via parallax stereoscopic vision? What have Sega, Sony and Microsoft offered us? Better graphics. More content. With the NES, Nintendo was giving us a different way of playing games: a better controller, new accessories, a more immersive feel. The Power Pad was an attempt at that. The Power Glove was an attempt at that. The N64 tried to give us more players with four on-board controller ports. The GameCube with the ability to link up to the Game Boy Advance gave each player their own view of the world as well as the one available on the screen. Each was an attempt at a better way of playing the game. Finally, the Nintendo Wii has come and it offers the most innovative and immersive method of including the player in the game. All of their failed attempts, all of the things they did that made me wonder and turned me into a Nintendo skeptic have been to find out what the best in gaming has to offer. Instead of trying to improve the graphics, instead of focusing on the other side of the screen, Nintendo has brought the gaming into the world of the gamer. I understand what they've been doing.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Thomas A. Edison, (attributed)

You're all excused. Thank you for your time.

2007-02-20T13:04:00.000-08:00

I haven't been Blogging for a bit. I was called in to jury duty. I was called into a panel. Jury selection took longer than a day, so we had to go back the next day. The morning of the next day, we had been told that the case settled out of court and we were excused.

...

Yeah.

In other news, I got a Nintendo Wii. It's pretty nifty.

...

I'm going to go play now.

"Our mission today is to get coffee and donuts. The problem is: the Germans ate all the donuts and drank all the coffee, so now we gotta go and kick their asses."
-- First mission of Call of Duty 3

Who designed the English language!?

2007-02-12T11:38:00.000-08:00

First: I've finally made the switch to the new Blogger. I'm not sure I like it, but things must change for progress to occur. Anywho...

The English language doesn't make any sense. First, I present to you the words "air," "ear," and "are." Each are different and each sound different. Next, I present to you the words "hair," "bear," and "care." Each are different, but they all rhyme. Why is this? Even worse (and presented much more often,) are words that end in "ough." I have yet to meet such a word that actually uses that letter "g" to sound like a "g." As Eddie Izzard said regarding spelling "through" (imagine two people speaking:)

How do you get that "ooh" sound?
Well, I think a "u" would work.
How about an "o?"
I don't think so.
No, I think an "o" in.
Oh, alright.
And a "g!"
A "guh" sound?
Yes! A silent "guh" in case of any accidents!
OK.
And an "h!"
Now hang on a minute!
In case some HERBS come along! And a q and a p and a zed! It's a word in Scrabble worth 485 points!

(I just wrote that as I remembered it. I don't know how accurate it is.)

It's just an oddity.

Valentine's Day is rapidly approaching. It's a crap holiday. I'm getting a Wii in the mail. (Scott, you are not allowed to steal our Wii. Play, yes. Steal, no. I read your comment to Yas.) Yay, Al Capone!

Enter footnote here

What to expect when they're expecting

2007-02-05T13:15:00.000-08:00

A co-worker of mine is on his way to becoming a dad. By "on his way," I mean he got the call, his wife is going into labor, and he left to go to the hospital. Right now.

It's odd. The whole time I was kinda happy for him, but the feeling that I felt was the same for if he said he got a new puppy, he was happy the Colts won the Superbowl, or if he said he had just found a dollar in his coat pocket. Hooray! Lucky you! I'm going to go have lunch, now.

However, now that I've bid him farewell and good luck with the whole childbirth thing (which is going on as I type this,) I'm feeling very excited for him! I think he'll make a good father. He's goofy, but knows how to be responsible. He's infectiously happy, but knows how to defend the ones he loves.

Congratulations, buddy!

Now starts that soul-sucking downward spiral that lasts until your podling is capable of providing for itself. Enjoy!

Shall we bring the debate to a close?

2007-02-01T08:10:00.000-08:00

I must say that I enjoyed the debate yesterday (and this morning.) You guys brought some interesting arguments. I defended my position^* and I still say that I would like to hear that an apology is given. However, I accept and understand your points of view. It becomes infeasible to apologize for every transgression, and especially when the victims of those transgressions have long since passed away.

If I found myself in such a situation (such as, if I had relatives who were interred in, say, Manzanar,) I think I would react much the same as you would. I was not wronged. The unfortunate incident that befell my relatives/ancestors was just that: an unfortunate incident. Thousands of unfortunate incidents occur throughout the world each day. Who is going to apologize for it? Who should apologize for it?

I suppose that accountability and responsibility is a good thing, but you've all told me to consider who should be held accountable. Nobody alive today is responsible for slavery. I can say that the Government, as an entity, is responsible, but that, apparently, opens up a whole new can of worms.

Thank you.

I think that discussion went rather well. Don't you?

* I re-read this post and realized that I meant to say that I defended my position "to the best of my ability." I believe that those who chose the opposing view won the debate. I hope that I didn't make it sound otherwise.

Apologize?

2007-01-31T07:48:00.000-08:00

In Virginia, there is debate regarding a resolution that the state should apologize for its role in America's use of black slave labor. Just a small bit of history: Richmond, Virginia was the Capital of the Confederate States of America and has statues of many of the South's heroes, such as Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson. It was only within the last decade that statues of black heroes, such as tennis star Arthur Ashe (a Richmond native) were added.

The reason for the debate is, of course, whether or not the state should apologize. The argument against apologizing is that nobody today is a slave owner and nobody today is a slave. Are those descended from slave owners supposed to apologize for the misdeeds of their ancestors? The argument for apologizing is that slavery has created racial tension that is still being felt today. Despite the social progress that has been made, the black community as a whole, is still trying to catch up.

I'll give you my reasoning: It should be an apology from the State of Virginia. Those who are currently in the governing body of Virginia are not the ones who committed the crime, and should not apologize on behalf of themselves as individuals. However, on behalf of the State of Virginia, an apology should be issued.

Ooh! Controversial topic! Can we discuss this like rational people and accept any differences that may arise? We'll see!

Kiwi!

2007-01-29T15:35:00.000-08:00

I found this. I can't remember how. I have very mixed feelings about the video. I think it's cute, funny, sad, depressing, and hopeful (among other emotions.) For some reason, I can't stop watching it and, because of that, I've decided to share it with you.

Should we all reach for our dreams?

Is that a hint? I'm takin' it!

2007-01-29T11:16:00.000-08:00

OK! OK! I haven't been blogging! I know!

I'm sorry, but things got über busy at work and I don't really get online at home (my 28.8k connection makes me sad.) I'm not sure when I can blog again, but I'm sure I will be blogging again. I just have to get through all this ... stuff.

In the meantime, I'll mention that I read that Dick Cheney doesn't believe that Hillary Clinton will make a good President. His reason? Because she's a Democrat. What sort of bass ackward thinking is that!? He also said that her philosophies and policies don't jive with his (this is not a direct quote. I'm pretty sure he didn't say "jive.") Does he truly believe that Bush makes a good President just because he's a Republican? What about past Presidents? Was Abraham Lincoln (although his party was called Republican, they were the liberal party at the time,) a bad President? I didn't agree with everything Clinton did, but I thought he was a good president. I don't care what your party is. If you're good for the nation, that's all we need, right?

The forecast says we should expect sporadic scatterings of blog posts...

Movin'

2007-01-19T11:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I moved from my old cubicle to my new cubicle. The reason for the move is wholly unimportant. I'll get back to this later.

I woke up this morning, got myself ready for the workday and left my apartment. As I drove towards the freeway, I found that the onramp I usually use has been blocked off. I have to find a detour. When I find an alternate onramp, it's relatively backed up (surprise, surprise.) I hurry off to work to find that the offramp I use is also backed up. (I use the offramp just before the main offramp to LAX. People often get confused and get into the lane that exits just before the LAX exit and then decide that they must get out of that lane, hindering the smooth flow of traffic.) After I get to work, I get in the elevator and push the button for the 11th floor. The elevator doesn't move. The doors don't even close. This happens sometimes. For some reason, the elevator's programming tells it that there's nobody in the car, even though somebody must be in the car because the button has been pressed. The solution is simple: get in the way of the sensor to indicate that somebody has walked in. As I do this, a bunch of people come pouring into the elevator and think that I'm simply being altruistic. I now have to wait as the elevator hits 5 other floors before I can get off. I'm finally at my cubicle and what do I notice: my phone has been taken away. I moved it over myself and now it's gone.

It's been quite the morning.

At least I won't be here tomorrow.

It's a sign!

2007-01-18T09:43:00.000-08:00

The End of Times is upon us! Repent! Repent, sinners! Truly this must be the apocalypse! Watch and know that we are about to experience the end of our lives!

Translation: It snowed in Malibu, California. How weird is that?

What's "snow?"

Non-Hawiian Shirt Hawaiian Shirt Weekend!

2007-01-16T14:50:00.000-08:00

During the three days of the weekend (those of us in America celebrated Martin Luther King Day on the 15th,) I wore a T-shirt each day that was Hawaiian themed. It wasn't what you'd call a traditional Hawaiian shirt (i.e. button down, short sleeves, floral pattern.) On Saturday I wore a coffee-dyed shirt that had a picture of an island on it and the word "Hawaii" next to the island. I donated blood at the Torrance Red Cross Donation Center and then the wife and I had a date at the King's Hawaiian Restaurant & Bakery that was next door for lunch! I swear that I didn't mean to wear that shirt. It was just a random shirt that I grabbed that morning!

On Sunday, I wore a shirt that I bought in Kona, Hawaii. It has a sea turtle embroidered on it along with the word "Kona." The wife and I went to the Santa Monica pier and ate at Bubba Gump's. The first time I'd been to a Bubba Gump's restaurant was when I'd bought that very shirt in Kona, Hawaii. Once again, it was just a random shirt that I grabbed that morning.

On Monday, I wore a shirt with the Hawaiian state fish (the humuhumunukunukuapua'a) decorating it. It was at the moment that I put that shirt on that I realized I'd grabbed three T-shirts in three days that all related to Hawaii. (And it was while I was writing this post that the other references had become apparent!) I think I'm trying to tell myself that I've got to go to Hawaii. This is the first year of my marriage that we didn't go! The first year, we were married in Hawaii. The second year, my wife had just finished law school and had taken the bar exam, so we went to Hawaii to celebrate. The third year we didn't visit the islands! Ack!

I need my aloha fix!

Divinity

2007-01-11T09:52:00.000-08:00

I was driving to work this morning and saw sunlight breaking through the clouds over LAX. It was one of those spectacular images where the sunlight comes down in angled columns through gaps in the cloud cover. For some reason, I saw this and started thinking about a time where I heard or read a description of such a scene (specifically the beauty of such a scene) as being proof of God's existence. I hate that statement.

How does this prove that there's a God? Don't tell me that only He could create something that beautiful. That's crap. How do you know that He's the only one capable of that? Such a statement is actually you closing your mind. If anything, the image proves to me that many human beings perceive the energy expelled from a star as it breaks through an atmospheric condition to be aesthetically pleasing.

Recalling that sentiment kinda ruined the experience for me. Well, maybe not "ruined" but definitely got in the way of the experience. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Christians (as most of my regular readers may already know,) but to exclaim anything as being proof of the divine (short of a deity descending from the heavens, or emerging from the earth, or appearing from thin air (I don't know what your beliefs dictate,)) just shows your stupidity. I believe that proof is something that can be shown to me without argument. When many people have different explainations for the same thing and they all contradict each other, you can't call it proof.

There are several different methods of showing that the Pythagorean Theorem works. None of them contradict each other, though. This is why these methods are called proofs!

Busy!

2007-01-09T17:45:00.000-08:00

Hey, kids! Too busy! I give you this link.

Coder-guy, awaaaay!

If I were a superhero named Coder-guy, that's what I would yell upon making my exit.

It's 2007!

2007-01-03T17:58:00.000-08:00

meh.

My absence

2006-12-29T12:54:00.000-08:00

Friends! I have been away for a short while. I have not been visiting blogs or leaving comments. I have not been responding to my own comments. This is because I haven't been at work. I took a week off between Christmas and New Years. I've been enjoying my time with my wife. Of course, Monday was Christmas and we were quite busy with family. Tuesday was recovery from Monday. Wednesday was our third anniversary! We did nothing and we loved every minute of it! We capped the night off with some Fatburger take-out and DVDs at home. It was wonderful! Thursday we were at Disneyland with my wife's cousin, her husband, and their wonderful daughters. Now, today is Friday. Unfortunately, my wife was pulled away to work and I'm home alone. However, we have had a wonderful almost-week away from our money-earning duties. I'm sorry for being away for so long and I hope you'll forgive me for saying that I'll most likely be away for a little while longer (i.e. until after New Year's.)

If I'm not back in time, I wish you all a Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T21:55:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Today is Christmas. It's the day that Christians celebrate the birth of their savior, Jesus Christ. For others, it's a day where we decorate evergreen trees with lights and sparkly ornaments and give gifts to each other, all the while chugging down egg-nog and waiting for a fat guy in a red suit to come down the chiminey. And, still, there are others who look at today and see ... Monday, December 25th. These are the people who probably get the day off from work just because the majority of the population is Christian. However, that's not definite. (I had an appendectomy two years ago on Christmas Eve performed entirely by a non-Christian surgical team. There were apologies made for ruining their Christmas and they simply responded with "We don't celebrate Christmas." It was really cool!)

Happy Monday!

Happy Winter Solstice!

2006-12-22T10:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the Winter Solstice! It was the day amidst all of the religious holidays that actually has physical proof of its purpose. The celestial bodies we call Sun and Earth have aligned themselves relative to each other in such a way that is repeatable every 365.25 days! Take what you will on faith alone, yesterday was the day where we have rock solid proof of its significance.

Happy Winter Solstice everybody!

I said it was today and have been told that I screwed up. I say unto you that my only error was (apparently) using an inaccurate source. For this I apologize and have edited my post.

I concede!

2006-12-19T12:22:00.000-08:00

You have your victory! You who would wish the Hormel meats of the digital world upon me have won. I shall endure the spam whilst you make your comments without the obstruction of the dreaded Word Verification.

I finally saw Clerks II. I liked the parallels between this and the first Clerks. Most notably, it was the constant discussion of the Star Wars trilogy from the first that is passed down to the second in the form of discussions regarding The Lord of the Rings, but with the twist being that the LOTR trilogy is some disfigured bastard child for the younger generation that the true trilogy (i.e. Star Wars) fans would never allow to even take the moniker of "trilogy." (This, of course, is utter stupidity because the word "trilogy" simply means that there were three of whatever it is that's being described. Thus, The Matrix is a trilogy and The Lord of the Rings is a trilogy. Star Wars, however, is no longer a trilogy, but more like a sextet.) Food for thought.

In other news, I'm glad I don't live in the Bible Belt. Apparently, there are blue laws that prohibit the sale of alcohol (or allow the sale with strings attached) on the Sabbath. (That being the Christian holy day of the week. Sunday to the rest of us heathens.) I find it very odd that the Southern states (those that tried to form the Confederate States of America during the American Civil War) would want to restrict the sale of alcohol on any day! How is it that Sunday is so holy that alcohol is bad? The Catholics love alcohol! Look at their holy communion. A wafer (one that is not gluten free, which means that those who have allergies to gluten cannot partake of the body of Christ,) and sacramental wine. It's drinking in Church! I figured that, if anything that's the one thing the American Protestants would want to keep from their Catholic roots, if not expand upon it! Am I the only one that thinks it's odd?

Also, I don't drink in the first place. Why am I making such a big deal out of this?

Happy Hanukkah!

2006-12-15T18:51:00.000-08:00

Hanukkah begins at sundown tonight! To everyone that celebrates Hanukkah and even to those who don't, have a happy Hanukkah!

Cooking

2006-12-13T10:35:00.000-08:00

Lately I've had to fend for myself in the department of food. I've been able to prepare ... two things for myself that require a stove. One is this tuna/egg thing that my mom used to make for me when I was younger and the other is a cheeseburger. It's all good. I like those foods, so it doesn't bother me. My question is this: why do we cook? What other animal in the world cooks food? They eat their food raw and I don't see how it's natural that we don't. Now, I'm not saying that we should forego cooking altogether and just eat raw meat. I just wonder what started the whole putting-meat-over-fire thing in the first place. What was the first primate that decided "I like the taste of meat better if it's held over fire"? Does this seem odd to anyone else?

Edit: This one's for the Diva. Today I made something else to eat. I made it all on my own. Can I get some cheers for Spaghettio's people!? Gimme a "Hell yeah!" Yup! I'm a badass in the kitchen!

Ogg: "Ogg want rare meat!"
Ugg: "Should Ugg get unicorn for Ogg?"
Ogg: "Yes! Unicorn very rare!"

A date which will live in infamy

2006-12-07T13:43:00.000-08:00

December 8th, 1941, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt gave the following speech:

Mr. Vice President, Mr. Speaker, members of the Senate and the House of Representatives: yesterday, December 7th, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.

The United States was at peace with that nation, and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its Government and its Emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific. Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing in the American island of Oahu, the Japanese Ambassador to the United States and his colleague delivered to our Secretary of State a formal reply to a recent American message. And while this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or of armed attack.

It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time the Japanese Government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.

The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. I regret to tell you that very many American lives have been lost. In addition American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu.

Yesterday the Japanese Government also launched an attack against Malaya. Last night Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong. Last night Japanese forces attacked Guam. Last night Japanese forces attacked the Philippine Islands. Last night the Japanese attacked Wake Island. And this morning the Japanese attacked Midway Island.

Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation.

As Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense.

But always will our whole nation remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.

I believe that I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us.

Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory and our interests are in grave danger.

With confidence in our armed forces - with the unbounded determination of our people - we will gain the inevitable triumph - so help us God.

I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, December 7th, 1941, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese Empire.

65 years ago today, the Empire of Japan involved itself in World War II with a surprise attack on Pearl Harbor in Hawai'i. It was considered a victory for the Imperial Navy, however, the man who planned the attack, Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto feared that all they had done was anger a powerful nation. The plan was to deliver a formal dclaration of war 25 minutes before the surprise attack (as well as several other timed attacks in strategic locations throughout the Pacific.) However, poor timing on the part of the Japanese ambassadors to the United States resulted in the declaration being delivered too late. Yamamoto, upset with the appearance of underhanded trickery, had begun to believe that, at best, the Japanese would only have a year to run rampant throughout the Pacific, at worst, the Americans would fight back fueled by rage. Within that time, minor victories taking U.S. controlled islands would not help them win the war. While the Japanese leadership believed that a spirit as firm as iron and as beautiful as cherry blossoms could win the war, Yamamoto believed that was hardly something that could compare to the relative material wealth of the United States. He surmised that even if the Japanese could take over all of the U.S. territories in the Pacific, even if they took San Francisco, the only way they would win the war would be to march into Washington itself and force the Americans to sign a treaty. He recognized that the action the Imperial Fleet had taken on December 7th, 1941 would be nowhere near enough to defeat the United States of America.

We can be taken by surprise, we can be brought to our knees, but we will not go down without a fight.

We Are the Mighty Bruins!

2006-12-03T11:59:00.000-08:00

I am in pain today. It's awesome!

On Friday, one of my co-workers had her last day. We took her out to dinner. There was a mechanical bull. It was odd because I was the only one that didn't have anything to drink and yet, I rode the bull four times. I'm sore all over my body and I'm attempting to regrow the skin that has been chafed away from my fingers by clinging to the bull for dear life. Another co-worker (a USC alum) said he wouldn't be riding the bull. As he left the party, I said "good luck to you guys!" because the big UCLA-USC cross town rivalry football game was the next day. He smiled at me and said "Yeah, I can't say the same to you."

Saturday was the day of the game. I hurt all over and, if reports and predictions were anything to listen to, UCLA was slated to lose to 'SC by two touchdowns. If reports and predictions were correct, then I'd be hurting today. In a bad way.

I don't think I have ever yelled so much in my life.

I noticed at the beginning of the game that I kept sitting down and then standing up (because the people in front of us kept getting up because the people in front of them kept getting up, etc., etc.) so I learned pretty quickly that things would go better for me if I just never sat down. Because of my bouts with the bull, my legs were like jelly, but I kept standing despite the pain. UCLA's defense would take to the field and I would scream without drawing breath from the moment the quarterback stepped to the line of scrimmage until the moment the Trojans were taken down. Repeat that for the next play. More than once I felt dizzy because of a lack of oxygen. My heart was pounding harder and harder just trying to get useful blood to my brain. By the end of the game I was so hoarse that it hurt just to exhale.

The unranked UCLA Bruins had defeated the #2 USC Trojans 13-9. It's great to be a Bruin! We'd been losing to USC for 7 years straight, but y'know something? Before their 7 year streak, UCLA had an 8 year streak against them! They couldn't keep their wins going to tie that! It all fell down to what transpired yesterday: a tip and an interception by Eric McNeal with 1:10 left in the game. It was exciting to the very last second. Literally. UCLA intercepted the ball with 1:10 to go, and worked to get it into Trojan territory. Three downs and one punt later, with 4 seconds left on the clock, John David Booty, the USC quarterback, lobs a hail mary pass in desperation. The seconds are shaved off the clock while the ball is in the air. If one of their receivers were to somehow catch that and break free, we would have lost the game. It seemed impossible, but stranger things have happened.

Nothing could be heard over the deafening roar that emanated from the crowd when that ball hit the turf.

It's so sweet! We were the underdogs. Not only did we end their streak, but we also took away their chances of playing in the BCS title game. We held them to their lowest score since 2001. We completely shut them out in the second half. I'm on cloud nine!

You can hear from far and near the mighty Bruin roar!

Movie Stars, Swimmin' Pools

2006-11-29T10:56:00.000-08:00

Goin' out to Californy!

Because of the sick and twisted machinations of Yasamin and my idiot younger sibling, I've been tagged to answer questions regarding movies and my preferences thereof. Their deaths shall be slow, painful, and glorious!

1. Popcorn or candy?
Oddly enough, I'd probably have to go with popcorn. The horrible truth is that I like that fake oily butter crap. Yeah, I'm ten different degrees of messed up.

2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever.
Forever? Forever is a long time. I don't really know. I guess I've been kinda wanting to see Serenity, but before I see that, I'd have to watch Firefly. But ultimately I don't really care if I never see Serenity. I don't have an answer for this right now.

3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar. Who loses theirs and to whom?
Um... I don't really care about Oscars. I suppose I would take away Russell Crowe's Oscar for Gladiator and I'd give it to Russell Crowe for his performance in A Beautiful Mind.

4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe.
Captain Jack Sparrow's pirate outfit.

5. Your favorite film franchise is...
Dunno. I suppose I'd go with the Star Treks.

6. Invite five living movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why'd you invite them? What do you feed them?
1. Gary Oldman
2. Tim Roth
3. Johnny Depp
4. Ian McKellan
5. Edward Norton
I'd talk to them about the plethora of strange characters they've played (this is the reason why I'd invite them,) and try to figure out why it is that they can play such great antagonists as well as protagonists. We would all have Jerry's Famous Deli delivered to the house.

7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cellphones in the movie theater?
Ejection from the theater. Like from a fighter jet. Their seats launch into the air and they are blasted through a hole in the roof of the theater. The only difference is that the pilots of fighter jets have parachutes.

8. Choose a male and a female bodyguard from a film:
Trinity and Neo. They guarded each other!

9. What's the scariest thing you've ever seen in a movie?
Hmm... the panic brought on by the threat of a nuclear attack on Los Angeles. The movie was Miracle Mile. Anthony Edwards had learned that a missile was launched at L.A. and he had to get his loved ones to safety. Once word of the whole thing got out, nobody could go anywhere. The city was just too big, so the exit points ended up becoming backed up. Those who didn't even try to escape answered the question: What would you do if the world was ending? These people were doing that. Whatever the hell they wanted with no consequences. That scared me and it still does.

10. Your favorite genre (excluding "comedy" and "drama") is...
Fantasy/SciFi. I don't normally like grouping those two together because I feel that they're distinct and have their own elements, but there you have it. I like Fantasy/SciFi.

11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power?
I would want an X-Men/Star Trek: TNG/Lord of the Rings crossover movie. In it, Xavier and Picard (after having met up) would have to constantly be together. The same would go for Magneto and Gandalf. There can not be a scene where there is just one without the other (with exception to before they all meet up initially.) Of course, Patrick Stewart would play the parts of both Professor X and Jean-Luc Picard and Ian McKellan would be both Magneto and Gandalf.

12. If Jesus were to submit a synopsis of a documentary about life in America since 9/11, what would his p.o.v. be?

13. Down in front all you troublemakers!!!
Let's run with HDD, mg, and Blondie. Y'all can just answer in the comments if you so desire. Or not. I'm cool with just being ignored.

This is what you get for tagging a guy that's not so in to movies!

What happened? Why is it so cold?

2006-11-27T14:03:00.000-08:00

Hokay. It's the monday after Thanksgiving (if you're American. Otherwise, it's still the monday after the American holiday of Thanksgiving. So... nothing's changed.) This is a rant that t has heard before. I woke up this morning and it was 18.9 degrees Celcius (66 degrees Farenheit.) It's freakin' cold! I don't think people can really survive in climates that are colder than 10 degrees Celsius (50 F.) It's all a conspiracy, y'see. Everywhere in the world is a tropical climate all year long with the exception of Southern California. We suffer in the cold cold weather during the winter while you're all drinking mai tais in the sun. Well, I'm on to you guys now! I know all about your deceit! I went to Toronto which is supposed to be up north. I've been told that north is cold. It was warm! Excuses were made, like "It's summer now!" but now I see that they've lied to me!

So go on and tell me your fanciful stories about "snow" and "blizzards." I don't believe a word of it. When I grow up, I'm moving somewhere where it's warm and sunny all the time, like Finland!

I wish I were in my warm bed right now.

I hope everyone's alright...

2006-11-16T11:58:00.000-08:00

I just witnessed a car crash. I was in my boss' office and glanced out the window. A semi came tearing out from underneath the overpass, crashed through a chainlink fence, and slammed into a car stopped at the intersection. There was even an explosion. The semi then slowed to a stop and the driver got out. He was just as casual as if it were another day at work. People came up to him and he just talked to them like nothing happened. Another group had formed around the car that was hit. They were just looking at it. The thing that really tipped off to me that this would happen, though, was the fact that the car with the camera rig started driving away first. Looked like a successful stunt to me! (Rumor has it that they're filming the next Die Hard movie just outside my building.)

I once read one of those "You know you're [x] if ..." statements about being from L.A. "You know you're from Los Angeles if you see a movie crew and you aren't excited about seeing a movie star. You're just hoping that they don't block you off on your way to work." And that's basically how it is for me. I've had to look for a detour to get to work. Traffic is all backed up around here. It seems like it's just a hassle. However, they seem to be professional about their work. We've had plenty of notice that this would happen, and it should only be for a few more days. Considering that this sort of thing is necessary for the production of movies these days, I don't mind so much.

That's not Bruce Willis! It's a stunt driver!

It's probably the blood loss talking...

2006-11-14T21:59:00.000-08:00

This post is going to be some random crap.

I donated blood today. I started thinking about it. Assuming that you're healthy and your blood isn't at risk for any sort of disease (you haven't been held in a correctional facility in the past year, you haven't gotten a tattoo in the past year, etc.) you're eligible to donate blood every two months. I gave to the American Red Cross 17 times now, and to other blood drives, like the UCLA Medical Center at least twice (I've lost count.) This means that I've had roughly three years' worth of donations. I started this sick habit when I was 17, so I've really been donating for nine years, but it's only been three years' worth. What I want to know is why did I stop for a few years in between? I think it was college. I just didn't have time then. Oh well.

I've been listening to the Ditty Bops because of their song There's a Girl that was on the Grey's Anatomy soundtrack. I'm such a woman. The song starts off like this:

There's a girl that you might know.
She's a friend, at least I tell you so.
But it might surprise you to find
There's something going on behind the door.

Sounds like cheating to me. If I heard a guy singing this, I'd think he was the scum of the Earth. However, it's a girl singing, and that gives me pause. The way it sounds, it's as though she's leaving her guy for a girl. If I were the guy, I'd much rather that be the case than her leaving me for another guy. It tells me that I'd have absolutely no chance because my gender doesn't coincide with her preference. In this instance I'd rather have no chance than have some chance and completely blow it. How about you?

I got a book of stamps the other day. It had stamps with snowflakes on them. I'm upset about that. I'm in the United States of America. We celebrate Thanksgiving in November. However, in the modern day Christmas takes precedence over our day of Thanksgiving. I'll be thankful when I see Thanksgiving decorations in the supermarket again, like in the days of my youth! Grar!

Pop music today needs more banjos.

Happy 231st Birthday, U.S. Marine Corps!

2006-11-10T11:50:00.000-08:00

Today is the 231^st birthday of the United States Marine Corps. Happy birthday, Devil Dogs!

Yesterday was the last game of our departmental softball season. We had a great game last night even though we lost. (It's all good that we lost. We lost all 8 games we played.) We played well. After some position shuffling, it looks as though we've got people more or less where they belong. I guess we'll be a bit more ready for next year.

While playing, I heard something that I haven't heard in a long time. I was up at bat and hit a line drive towards left. After making contact, I, of course, started my sprint towards first base. What I heard afterwards was that they played properly and well, but couldn't get me out simply because I was too fast. Their first-baseman then told me that the track team was on the other side of the park!

Y'see, I used to run track and cross country in high school. I was pretty good at it, too. Not the best sprinter in the group, but I did get my mile time below 5 minutes. However, before I joined the cross country team, I tried out a weight training class. Everyone was bigger than me and could easily lift more than anything I could. (Some of those guys could've benched me without breaking a sweat!) A few weeks into the weight training class, we had to run a mile (it was just a mandatory thing for a P.E. class.) I pulled it off in 6 minutes and lapped a few guys a few times. Some of the guys that saw this scrawny little white kid passing them up got a little pissed and started yelling at me (I don't understand why, though. It was weight training, the running was just something they had to do this one time.) Finally, after the mile was over, several people came up to me and said "Why are you even in this class? Just go run track." So I did. I had already missed one cross country meet that year, but it didn't matter. I was the second best frosh-soph runner after the second meet and had improved to our number one by the end of the season. I'd made lots of friends and helped others to improve their running, just as they helped me. (One of my buddies in particular had helped me by taunting me that I didn't break a 5 minute mile in my first year. I was off by two seconds, and he still won't let me hear the end of it!)

Good times!

I'm glad that guy said what he did. It brought back some good memories!

I used to tell people that I don't play sports. I compete.

Carls Jr.

2006-11-08T12:47:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen that Carls Jr. commercial where there's a guy in the supermarket staring at selections of meat and having absolutely no clue as to how to prepare any of it? A voiceover begins saying "Carls Jr. Without us, some guys would starve." I'm one of those guys.

Last night was a "fend for myself" night. My wife requested that I please have something that resembles healthy food (i.e. don't microwave hotdogs and don't get KFC or PizzaHut. Try cooking something.) I visit the supermarket and purchase a can of Campbell's Cream of Chicken soup. I go home and make a pot of short grain white rice (it's a Zojirushi fuzzy-logic rice cooker. Since it's a technological gadget, I can definitely make rice. I'm super awesome at making rice because I don't really have to do anything.) I then move in to "prepare" my soup. It dawns upon me that I should probably have some milk to thin it out a bit, but I don't have milk. Thick'll have to do. The can has a pull tab so I don't need a can opener. Convenient, no? I pull the tab and yank it out and somehow squeeze the sharp edges of the lid between my thumb and my ring finger. It hurts and I know that I'll start bleeding. Initial examination of the wounds show cuts, but no bodily fluids. This lasts for a second. Then the crimson begins to flow. Immediately I go to wash my hands and then the struggle begins. Don't get blood on anything except for paper towels and tissues (y'know, the disposable stuff) while trying to manipulate a BandAid brand adhesive bandage onto the thumb and ring finger. I have learned that getting Neosporin on a bandage when you've only get effective use of one hand is difficult, but not impossible. I patched myself up and was able to avoid leaving a trail of blood anywhere. I was quite impressed with myself for that. I then went on to finish the preparation of my meal: cream of chicken soup poured over rice. After eating, I was reminded of the video game Chrono Trigger. More specifically, resting in the enertron: "HP/MP restored. But you're still hungry."

For some reason, I never wound up going to Carls Jr. I guess I'm going to starve.

Blessings in disguise!

2006-11-07T10:49:00.000-08:00

It's more than meets the eye! Or is that giant robots? Or Ultra Toast Mosha Gods?

My wife asked me to pick up Cars on DVD. She asked last night. I woke up late this morning and promptly forgot that I was supposed to buy her the DVD. What's more, I was supposed to go to Best Buy for the exclusive gift pack that comes with four toy cars. I was late, after all. My first thought was "I have to get to work!" So I hopped in my car and started my drive. Right as I was getting on the freeway, I started scanning through my CD of wma files, looking for a folder of songs to which I might listen. Since I was driving and focusing more on merging into traffic, I just blindly spun the folder select dial and let it stop where it may. Where should it stop, but the Cars soundtrack?

Yes! That's right! I was supposed to buy Cars on my lunchbreak today! Why don't I just go in to buy it before I go in to work, you might ask? Well, Best Buy doesn't open until after I get in to work, so there's no point in me getting in late just to buy a DVD. But today was different: I was late anyway! So, seeing as how I was already late, why not just quickly duck in, buy the movie and duck back out, rush off to work, sneak in when nobody is looking and assume that I won't be missed? It's the perfect plan! (Also, I knew I wouldn't be missed. I took last Friday off and nobody realized it until 3:30.) So, now I have the movie and I'm at work and I don't have to use up my lunch break on an errand! But I do have to stay later to make up the time I spent. (Not that I really care about that.)

Git'r done!

Are you really leaving?

2006-10-31T20:02:00.000-08:00

Today has probably been the worst day for me as a blogger. I've discovered that tensions are high and now that people are leaving. HDD has just declared that her most recent post is her last and, as far as I can tell, mg has completely deleted her blog. I find this to be truly saddening. HDD cited her reason for leaving as being because it is no longer fun for her. I can understand that. I just wish it never got to that point.

It is with heavy heart that I say that I will truly miss the both of your blogs and I hope that it doesn't keep you from commenting. It always made me happy to see that I'd received a comment from you or that you'd responded to a comment that I'd made. I would hate to see the entire relationship we've made via blogger just disappear.

What to say?

2006-10-31T14:40:00.000-08:00

I've been gone for a while. The last post I wrote was last Thursday. Now it's Tuesday and I've discovered that my little blog-world seemingly has turned upside down. Readers are becoming polarized. There have been accusations. I would love to offer words of support, but I don't know who to trust. I feel horrible saying that as it sounds like I don't trust any of you. However, the way I see it is that people are innocent until proven guilty.

The plaintiffs offer a very strong argument. All three of them seem to have corroborating stories. But still, they fall victim to one of their own arguments: They claim that the defendant created multiple personalities (in the form of former relationships) and even created blogs for these personalities. How am I so sure that these three people aren't the same person mounting an attack against the defendant? Or, perhaps they are three separate people who are mounting an attack against the defendant. On the other hand, let's assume that the plaintiffs have been completely truthful. What do I know of the defendant to say that he's not guilty? They claim to have evidence. I have not seen this (nor do I want to.) The defendant also claims to have evidence to contradict their statements. I also have not seen this (nor do I want to.) I'm actually happy that none of these parties have started pulling up old IM transcripts or old e-mails. Really, neither party has asked any of their blogging "pals" (outside of the initial problem) to choose sides. We can do that on our own.

So, I'm sorry to all of you, but I choose not to choose (maybe this is a relief to all of you?) The purpose of this statement is because I feel there is an elephant in the room and I need to point it out. Thus, I inform everyone that I acknowledge that there is a problem, but I won't be taking sides. It was resolved well before the rest of us were clued in that something was wrong.

I'm just sad that this has happened.

I'll miss reading ENOUGH ALREADY

I've equipped my materia. I'm good to go.

2006-10-26T10:09:00.000-07:00

When I drive to and from work I listen to The Black Mages. It's a Japanese band formed by Nobuo Uematsu of Square-Enix's Final Fantasy fame. I listen to their first album which consists entirely of Final Fantasy battle music. As I weave through traffic on the I-405 I imagine that I'm slicing through enemies with a giant sword made of water equipped with a gun barrel running through the blade. If someone cuts me off, I'm using my materia to cast Bolt 3, Ultima, or Knights of the Round or to summon the might of Ifrit, Ramuh, or even Alexander. If traffic slows to a crawl, I take that time to use a few potions and prepare myself for the next onslaught. Finally, when my enemies are defeated and I've reached my destination I take all of their items and gil and go on my merry way!

I'm a spoony bard!

Paris Syndrome

2006-10-23T11:56:00.000-07:00

I used to wonder why Stockholm Syndrome was called Stockholm Syndrome. So I looked it up. Apparently, a bunch of hostages involved in a bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden were holed up in the Kreditbanken for six days with their captors. After they were freed, they exhibited an emotional attachment and even defended their victimizers. Criminologist and psychiatrist Nils Bejerot coined the affliction Stockholm Syndrome.

I just read on Yahoo! News that a new affliction had been detailed in the psychiatric journal Nervure in 2004. The name of this syndrome has also been dubbed with the name of a location: Paris. Apparently, Japanese tourists to France have been experiencing an extreme culture shock.

In the news article, it's mentioned that Japanese usually see Paris as the epitome of refinement and culture. It's a city known for the arts and for fashion. The people, likewise, should be the epitome of refinement and culture. However, more often than the Japanese tourists would like, the French have been very rude. Coming from a culture that prides itself on maintining civility at all times, it would appear that any Japanese who aren't well prepared for anything but proper behaviour even from strangers are suceptible to fits of paranoia and insanity. In the Japanese embassy they've seen two women who believed their hotel room was bugged, a man who believed he was King Louis XIV, and a woman who believed she was being attacked by microwaves. Apparently, the image the Japanese have of France is being shattered (along with the psyche) when presented with the reality. Currently this seems to be something between the Japanese and the French, but I wonder if it will be applied to other cultures later on. When someone suffers culture shock to such an extreme as to require a mental health specialist are we going to say they're sufferers of Paris Syndrome?

The French are breaking innocent Japanese people!

In the lab

2006-10-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a co-worker of mine about life. He said that he was watching some science channel and they were discussing the creation of life on Earth. Apparently some guy took a bunch of elements that are necessary for creating life and ran an electric current through them. The result was amino acids, the "building blocks of life." After that, some different scientists took some amino acids and put them under intense pressure, like what would be seen if a meteor hit Earth. Their hypothesis was that the amino acids would be destroyed. To their surprise, the amino acids became peptides. (If the amino acids are the "building blocks of life", then the peptides are "complex structures built from the building blocks of life.")

After this discussion, we started talking about evolution. He took a class where they discussed evolution and, after the teacher talked about it, she mentioned that different people have different beliefs and views regarding evolution and that she was just presenting how it looked in regards to science. To this, my co-worker decides to needle her a bit in the form of a seemingly innocent question: "Has evolution ever been shown to occur in a lab?" The answer was "... No." She was reluctant to admit it, but there it was.

Upon hearing this, we started to wonder why it is that such a thing had never been done. To take a well known example, get something like a finch and place it in an artificial environment. For the first two or three or five generations of finches, watch their behavior in this environment. Then start making things difficult for them. Make the food difficult to reach for some of the finches. Introduce predators that can't climb trees. Introduce predators that can see certain colors. If you select those elements that make life difficult for some finches and not for others, then you should see an evolutionary trend. Those that can't get to the food (perhaps because of the shape of their beak,) those that make their nests low to the ground, those that are easily seen will die off, while those that can get to the food and nest in trees and blend in will thrive. Once the subtle differences start causing certain finches to thrive, those who are well adapted should survive and those who are most adapted should allow their genes to spread. We should see a type of finch that is different from the original finch at the end of the experiment.

However, this is difficult because of how long it would take to create enough generations of finches to see a difference. What's more, this sort of evolution, as I understand it, is actually widely accepted as truth. The trick is to get a fish to breathe oxygen and walk on land.

Perhaps if we could turn several single cellular organisms into multicellular organisms...

Sunday the 1st!? That's bad luck!

2006-10-13T11:19:00.000-07:00

The superstitious make a big deal about days like Friday the 13th. Nobody says anything about Sunday the 1st. What about Thursday the 12th or Saturday the 14th? All of these days just scream that the month's 13th day is a Friday.

Well, that's neither here nor there. I figured that, given the day's negative connotations, I'd work on a meme from Grant's blog. His questions, like those of all memes, were taken from someone else, but Grant, much to his credit, has "metaled them up a bit." According to Grant's request, I will refrain from using President Bush for any answers. Like Grant, I feel this one shouldn't be that easy. So, without further ado:

1) You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Well, Osama Bin Laden. He's a threat to the lives of many people in the world. If we just have to push a button and guarantee that he's dead, then we don't have to hunt him down. Hopefully, it takes out some of his cronies in the process!

2) You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existnece. Which one will it be?
Out of existence as in "they were never born?" As in "their music would never have existed in the first place?" Hmm... I don't care very much for this question because I generally just ignore anything I don't like. If I had to choose one, though, I'd go with Brahms. Then we'd have a completely different idea of a lullaby!

3) Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Adolf Hitler. I think it would be funny. (There was actually an Indiana Jones game based on the third movie for the Macintosh. At one point in the movie, Indy comes face to face with Hitler and Hitler autographs Henry Jones' Grail diary and then walks off. In the game, you're presented with the same situation, but you've got options. What'd I do? I punched him in the face! A guard then shot me and the game said that I died, but I was the only American to actually punch Hitler like that.)

4) What is your favorite cheese?
It depends. If I'm just eating cheese, then it would probably be brie. If it's going on a sandwich, then I'd go with American cheese slices. I also like little cheddar squares.

5) You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
My wife makes what I consider to be the best sandwich in the world. It's roast beef with American cheese, mayonaise and ketchup on egg bread grilled in butter. I would eat this 'til my dying day (which, considering how bad it is for me, wouldn't be that far off!)

6) You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
How about somebody who was in a television show a long time ago? She was actually on the show and not just an extra. I ended up marrying her!

7) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
How about somebody who isn't a celebrity but is talented musically? She's was in her show choir in high school. I ended up marrying her, too!

8) Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
I'd use it towards a new motherboard/CPU. It would have a dual core processor and a serial ATA hard drive bus.

9) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Right now? Well, I'd walk over to LAX International Airport and demand that they fly me around in circles and then land at LAX. If it's just the one plane ticket, I don't know how I'd be able to explain to my wife that I flew off somewhere without her.

10) Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
This would go towards the serial ATA hard drive that I'd need for my new computer!

11) A demon rises out of Hell and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is...?
Isopropyl. I don't drink, so such things are wasted on me. However, the isopropyl would be handy for bad cuts and scrapes!

12) Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
First, I'd get guns. Lots of guns. And lots of ammo. If the time machine were bigger than a phone booth, I'd also get a fighter jet or something, but it isn't, so I can't. Then I'd go to feudal Japan and I'd rule the country with an iron fist and raining lead.

13) You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
No religious intolerance. If anyone even says something maliciously negative directed towards anyone else in a religious context, I reserve the right to execute them in a manner of my choosing. (Please note that it's maliciously negative. If you jokingly tell someone that they're condemned to Hell, it isn't malicious, so that's OK. If you tell some jerk to "go to Hell," that's not in a religious context, so that's OK.)

14) You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?
It would be called "You're an Idiot" and we would bring celebrities who are complete morons on the show and tell them that they're just a waste of bio-material. Such guests would include Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Dr. Phil.

15) What is your favorite curse word?
ちくしょ

16) One nght you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing aything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Since I'm up already, I go play Final Fantasy VII. The mummies are invited to watch.

17) Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the item?
I grab my wife's laptop. Her work is infinitely more important than mine.

18) The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bit it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Right now? Well, it would take too long to visit my wife and convince her to take a half-hour break, so I guess I'd give her a call and just talk to her.

19) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
What am I doing eating vegetables? Given that I think these vegetables are good, the logical choice would be to be able to produce these vegetables. However, I don't want that. I'd have to go with absolute control over every subatomic particle in the universe.

20) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
The time that I proposed to my wife. It was a very awkward moment and ended up being very hilarious and cute!

21) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
I'm not sure. I believe that my past experiences, no matter how horrible, make me who I am and I like who I am. So, I guess I wouldn't do it.

22) You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool stuff... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now?
I don't think it would matter much because I could alter reality to my will with my control over subatomic powers. But to keep in the spirit of the question, I'd either move to Japan or Canada. Canada's like America just enough to keep me from getting homesick (i.e. they speak English and some Latin based language and is diverse enough culturally.) I've never been to Japan, but, considering that I'm a super-powered being, I'll make it work out for me if there are any problems!

23) This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
I don't really care. You can ban me from every single bar in the world, period. If one doesn't drink, one has little need for bars.

24) Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT! Whose house are you giong to float to first, and be like "Dude, check it out... I can FLOAT!"?
I could always float! I just manipulate my mass to the point where my density is less than that of the air below me and greater than that of the air above me! Ha ha! Since I have to go to a house, I'd go visit my brother.

25) The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
I'd have to agree with Grant on this one and say Richard Harris. I don't think Michael Gambon has even read the books! He's too frantic to be Dumbledore.

26) The Gates of Hell have opened, and Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
My grandmother on my father's side. She died at a pretty young age well before I was born and (obviously) I never got a chance to meet her. I'm told that she was a wonderful person.

27) What's your theme song?
Spinach Rag from Final Fantasy VI.

It's like middle school all over again!

2006-10-12T10:02:00.000-07:00

When I was in the 7th grade, I got a note passed to me in my English class. I asked the person who passed it to me who I was supposed to give it to. They said they were giving it to me and I reiterated that I wanted to know who the ultimate recipient was supposed to be. It so turns out that I was that recipient. It was from a new girl that had transferred in to our school and she'd heard that I was a nice guy and wanted to get to know me. In middle school, I was a nice guy and we became friends. It's the first note that was ever passed to me in class. It was also the last.

I relate this sad little tale of the social life of my youth to inform you that I've finally been tagged. Yasamin was tagged with a meme and now I have too, apparently because I'm a "smarty pants." I guess it's all about genes. Get it? Jeans! Pants! I kill me!

OK, if you're still reading, I commend you for your intestinal fortitude and "reward" you with answering the question that Yasamin has given me. You can blame her for all of this.

1) Would you bungee jump?
I can't see why not.

2) If you could do anything in the world for a living what would it be?
Probably programming. I just get a kick out of it! I'd like to write an OS eventually. Right now I'm working on a text editor that converts Romaji (Japanese words written in the English alphabet) into Hiragana, Katakana, and Kanji.

3) Your favorite fictional animal?
The Baku. It's a Japanese mythical creature that resembles a tapir and is said to eat nightmares, thus preventing a sleeping person from actually having the nightmare.

4) One person who never fails to make you laugh?
My wife. She's the most adorable girl among all that is known and unknown.

5) When you were 12 years old what did you want to be when you grew up?
An electrical engineer specializing in aerospace or a video game programmer. Both being somewhat difficult for a young child who'd never actually done any computer programming.

6) What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Hit the snooze button.

7) Have you ever gone to therapy?
Nope. Unlike most people in the world, I'm actually happy.

8) If you could have one super power what would it be?
Absolute control over every subatomic particle in the universe.

9) Your favorite cartoon character?
That's a good question. I'd have to go with two here. First I'd say Ranma Saotome and second would be Keiichi Morisato. Ranma because he's just damn cool. He's the heir to the school of Anything Goes Martial Arts. Anything Goes! It doesn't matter who he fights because he can always come up with something to win! My choice for Keiichi is a bit more subtle. Unlike most manga/anime that have a love theme, Keiichi actually has found the girl of his dreams. There aren't four or five girls all plotting for the same guy. That's all done away with. It's just him and the girl he loves (and her two sisters, the older of which wants them to get together in a more intimate setting, while the younger of which wants them to break up.) Also, she's literally a goddess. The coolest thing about Keiichi is that he genuinely loves his girl, Belldandy and would truly do anything for her and she does the same for him.

10) Do you go to church?
No. I tend to shy away from organized religion. A better question would be if I believe in God. Yes, I do, but probably not in the same way that most Christians do.

11) What is your best childhood memory?
If we're talking early childhood, probably going for a bike ride with my dad. We rode our bikes to Bob's Big Boy and had lunch. With three siblings, it was rare to get one-on-one time with dad and this particular instance really stuck out for me. If we're talking about my teens, probably when I hiked to Kearsarge Pass with my dad (it's the same mountain range as Mt. Whitney.)

12) Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No, but I also don't think it's for everybody.

13) Do you own a gun?
I own a light gun. I use it to shoot virtual terrorists that reside within my X-Box.

14) Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
I'm pretty sure that I have. I've got older sisters. I'm pretty sure that means I must have. (I'm also sure they deserved it if I did!)

15) Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?
Is an auditorium full of parents a large number of people? If so, then yes. I also remember not liking it.

16) What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Eyes.

17) What is your biggest mistake?
Telling my dad that I only ran Cross Country because he wanted me to. I had lots of fun running and when I was told that I didn't pass my physical (my doctor heard something and wanted to run some tests for fear that I might die out on the track. It turns out that I'm fine and I can run,) I was pretty angry. I started telling myself that I only started running because my dad wanted me to and then, when I believed it, I told him that. It made him pretty sad.

18) Say something totally random about yourself.
I hate using code-creating wizards when I do any programming. I'm something of an elitist snob when it comes to coding. It's weird because I know that the wizards take care of the pointless gruntwork, but I want to take care of every line of code in my work. It's not always feasible, but I try to avoid them when possible.

19) Has anyone ever said that you looked like a celebrity?
Yes. When I was very young, I was compared to Tom Cruise. I don't see the resemblance. Now that I'm in my mid twenties, I get compared to a teenage Robbie Benson. I can see this one better than Tom Cruise. I was once in a meeting and one of the ladies at the meeting kept calling me Robbie and then catching herself. It was pretty funny!

20) What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?
My wife took me to Fatburger. It was Valentine's Day. Fatburger was where we had our first date, so it's a romantic place for us. It also helps that it isn't crowded on days like Valentine's!

21) Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
Sometimes. It depends on how interested I am in the questions.

I'd tag people, but I was never that good at tag.

I wonder what happened to that girl that passed me the note. I never saw her after 8th grade.

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!

2006-10-11T13:52:00.000-07:00

God bless our President. Or perhaps he made a deal with the devil. How is it that this guy even got into office let alone got re-elected? Apparently he's saying that Democrats are in favor of big spending and higher taxes, while Republicans aren't that irresponsible. Didn't he enter his first term with our country sitting on a big fat surplus of money? Isn't our country deep in debt now after his two terms? I don't really care about that, anyway! Economies rise and fall. It somewhat follows a pattern of mountains and valleys. Don't bother me with crap about how evil the Democrats are because you believe they'll tax the hell out of the American public. I want to know what you're going to do about Korea. I want to hear about our plans for Iraq.

I heard that Clinton is being blamed for Korea. I don't care if he should be. Whoever's at fault, it's a bit late to point fingers. Tell me what the plan is. How are we working with our allies to lessen the threat of a reclusive regime who claims to have the means to produce nuclear weapons. (If you've got a sound plan, then I don't care how you pronounce "nuclear." If your plan is that we've got God on our side, then please at least learn to speak properly so that you might be able to convince us that you're not just an idiot.)

It would seem that the current problem our administration is concerned about is keeping Democrats from gaining political power. Why? Who cares? Let there be equal footing for the political parties. It's not the end of the world. What would be the end of the world (as far as I'm concerned in this nuclear age) would be if countries that hate us gained military power and decided to launch a bunch of nukes at us! Don't tell me that we have to make sure that there is a majority of right wingers on Capitol Hill. There is more than one political party to ensure that the best interests of the people are represented. Please stop with the smoke and mirrors and focus on the people that could potentially threaten to kill us.

I feel like it's been a while since I've complained about our dictator ... uh, I mean, president.

Evolution

2006-10-05T11:13:00.000-07:00

OK, I want this post to be bright and cheery! I'll start it off thusly:

Eventually, the star that our planet circles will go supernova. It will expand out well beyond the Earth and, in doing so, will incinerate the rock we call home. Our sun will then collapse and go too cold for life as we know it to exist in this planetary system.

Do think that we're "it"? Are we that limit to evolution? Or is the rapture going to take us away before the sun explodes? Assuming you're in the "Yes, evolution occurred" camp, is it the height of arrogance to believe that nothing more is going to evolve? Or is the sufficient evidence to suggest that, since evolution is adaptation to an environment and humans are capable of adapting to new environments without the aid of millions of years of genetic mutation, then (assuming there isn't an extinction level event,) humans will be around until the end of time (or at the very least, the end of the planet?)

Assuming that you're in the "We aren't descended from monkeys; Adam was made in the image of God" camp, some texts suggested that the world would end in the year 2000. Could it be that the numbers were just slightly off? Or could it be that the rapture was a little more subtle than we expected? Maybe raptures don't happen with a bang. Perhaps it's already come and gone and we've got the sign of the beast in our hands: plastic cards used for identification and making purchases. In which case, we'll just be left on this now God-forsaken ('cause that's what it would be) rock to toil away until the sun explodes anyway.

God is a lady. And backwards it's dog.

Heartache

2006-10-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

First, I feel I should say that I'm not experiencing heartache, but I've a question to pose regarding it. I'm pretty sure that we've all felt that pain of longing and loss that we come to call heartache. It's a miserable void that seems to well up in the chest. What causes that!? I mean physically. What physically causes that? In this day and age we should know that "matters of the heart" don't really involve the heart. If that were the case, we would be taking orders from a pump whose sole purpose is to make sure that blood flows throughout the body. Where does love fit into that? We know that such things are a part of the brain. Whether we're working off of conscious decisions or instinct, all of those actions are controlled by the brain. And yet, the ache we feel is in the chest and not the head. It certainly does seem to defy logic. All I can guess is that there's a gland around there that must secrete or hormone or something (it's most likely adrenaline.) I've read that people can die from a "broken heart," (by "broken heart," I'm referring to the loss of a loved one and not having a ticker that just doesn't work.) It's been shown scientifically (and it's called Broken Heart Syndrome or stress cardiomyopathy.) Could it be that, if the sorrow is too great the body basically tries to kill itself? Is that the pain that we feel? Perhaps for most things it's never enough to be lethal, but we do feel the pain.

It's down at the end of lonely street: Stress Cardiomyopathy Hotel.

A good day

2006-10-02T14:58:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day. The sun is out, and it's warm. Southern California is nice like that. I had lunch in a park today. The grass was green and birds were flying about. I was actually able to meet up with my wife to make a rare event truly monumental. We ate and chatted and enjoyed the short amount of time that we had to spend together in the middle of a weekday.

Then, I opened my eyes and found myself back in my cubicle. The pleasant hour I'd spent was nothing more than a fantasy lived out in less than a minute. I'd found myself hurled instantly back to the day-to-day drudgery of real life. Now that that fictitious hour is gone, it feels as though mere seconds had passed, and the reality of those mere seconds I'd spent at my desk now feel like an hour.

The saying goes that time stops for no man. However, it does like to screw around with us every once in a while.

That Einstein really knew his stuff!

What are we?

2006-09-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

It turns out that there is a creator. For lack of a better word, there is a God. I know this because I met Him (Her? It?) and talked to Him. How did I do this? It's pretty easy to do when you're dead. It so turns out that He really is omni-present. The dude's everywhere at the same time. It makes things easier when he's processing the newly dead. Y'see, trillions and trillions of beings die all the time, from what we would call aliens to humans to dogs to cats to elephants to whales to bugs to bacteria to viruses. (Yep, it turns out that viruses are alive.) Thing is, because of God's ability to be everywhere at the same time, you've got all of eternity to ask questions. He has an infinite amount of time just for you.

What was my first question, you ask? It was quite simply "What is our purpose?"

God: "Well, to tell you that, I've got to give you some other information."

Me: "OK."

God: "There were some beings in the universe that were in a war. Neither side had the advantage and they were at a stalemate. Of course, war has this funny way of driving research."

Me: "Oh God. We were meant to research weapons of mass destruction!? Why would you do this to us?"

God: "No, you weren't meant to research weapons of mass destruction. These beings used a planet to develop bio-weapons that were excellent killers."

Me: "Our purpose is our penchant for death and destruction? We're bred to be killers? We're the weapons of mass destruction!?"

God: "Nope. Not you guys. The dinosaurs. The dinosaurs were the bio-weapons. They were the killers."

Me: "Oh. But you must have intervened and killed them off because of that purpose and put us on the planet as a reminder to the other beings of the universe to spread love and peace."

God: "Not quite. Have you ever heard about lab experiments involving animals?"

Me: "Yeah. Humans have been doing experiments on bacteria, mice, rabbits, all sorts of animals."

God: "And when the experiment is complete, what happens to the subject of the experiment?"

Me: "It's usually killed."

God: "That's what they did to the dinosaurs. They perfected their weapon: giant killer lizards. Then they razed the planet. You called it an 'Extinction Level Event,' they called it cleaning up."

Me: "Then ... what are we?"

God: "You're like some sort of growth that just sort of happened afterwards, but you're basically in a cosmic landfill, so nobody cares."

If I weren't already dead, I'd kill myself.

I'll take what's behind door #2!